Waiting More Than a Dozen Years

[TeaEarlGreyHot]

SSMGUY:

I appreciate your sharing your solution to a similar situation. As I noted above, ending the sexless situation at my personal level is easy. Ending it within the sexual fidelity of the marriage is the situation that does not seem to provide any relief.

I can see that the choice to take a non-negotiable position is a case-by-case call. And with hindsight, I could probably say that the incident from 21 years ago that she brought up was probably the point where I should have packed my stuff into my car, drove my car the 35 miles back to my home. From there I would have gotten on the plane the next morning and flown on to my next assignment and ended this relationship. Instead, I did not go home, we mended the relationship, I got on the plane and rather than skiing at Tahoe the weekend after my assignment, I flew back. I can walk that chain of events back from today to that point or even further into the past where I just could have and perhaps should have walked away.

But in 1988 I had no idea of what was coming 10 years later. She was 41 and I was 34. Did I make the best choice I could given the information available to me at the time?

This is all past history and the question is what's next, what do I do now. That is what I am wrestling with.