I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

Hi Davidswife:

the rubber band is still snapping away! it really does hurt, ive been snapping so much. my post was just to get feelings out but I KNOW, i need to stop those feelings ASAP!! i need to stop thinking and focusing so much on him. I hate that he has that control over and I hate that I allow it. Going to continue to try and stop! thanks for your support guidance!!

I'm up early today, going to shower in a few minutes after I get my feelings out here. It took an abnormally long time to fall asleep yesterday, thinking about H too much I guess, and didn't have my rubber band on and was far too tired to get up and get it. I'll make sure to leave it on all day, even when I go to bed, tiredly snapping my wrist until I go to sleep with physical pain rather than mental pain, I'd take that any day right now.

So I have been reducing the smoking and the drinking. You're right, I'm not supposed to be drinking at all and got a bit of a whipping from my C for doing so, and proceeded to list out what could potentially happen to me. So I'm drinking starting to work on that. I went from a pack in 2 days in the beginning, now, I'm down to about a pack in 5 or 6 days, which is great. I eventually want to quit again, I think I'll guit cold turkey when I move to Btown. New city, new start.

So I'm really excited today, tired, but excited! I'm heading to Marthas Vineyard with a bunch of friends and the weather has turned out to be absolutely gorgeous! Just the day before, the weatherman was telling us it was going to rain and thunder, how wrong was he!? It's so beautiful out and blue skies for the first time in months!! I've never been to the Vineyard before and always wanted to go with the H but never went, don't know why, we always seemed to get stuck at home and never did much. I'm glad I'm finally getting the chance to go, and with friends that have been a huge support for me, I would not have made it this far if it weren't for them. And when I move into Btown, I will have even more time to hang out with them. This is the first time we're all going to be in the same city. I was always somewhere around the world, living abroad, and everyone else was living where they worked or where they went to school, and finally everyone's back in the same city and it feels nice to have them around, even though they're an hour away from me right now, I'm looking forward to seeing them more often in a month when I move.

OK. I am going to make sure to put that rubberband on today because I am not going to let negative thoughts of the H ruin my beautiful day with my friends at the vineyard. I will get snapping!! Hopefully I'll have too much fun to even think about snapping!