Thanks for your replies. Sorry for the rant last night. The verbal vomiting of anger, I guess you`d call it. MY anger, MY fear, MY playing the victim in all of this which Cat so rightly identifies.
Dia, I don`t really think of my H as an abusive man. Yes, I`ve been emotionally abused but like Cat, I can see(in the cold light of morning here-and sobriety!) that I`ve brought that out in him.
I`m looking at my role in that. I can`t leave this marriage shattered without knowing what I did to hurt it in the first place, so yes, Cat, that it won`t happen again in another R.
I`m so glad I ranted here and not at H. I`m free to be my New Me with him still! Light, airy and loving me.
Mach says I`m not doing LRT properly. I`m gonna study that one and implement it properly.
There`s two other things I`m gonna do. Stop ranting to my Sis. She`s a sweetheart but she`s thriving on the drama of all of this and we`re over and back every day me getting madder as I relay the latest bit of nonsense and she`s getting even madder for me. No I won`t drop her. I`ll explain my position, let her know i`m not going to drive her crazy with all my stuff and talk about getting a life -for her too!-instead.
I`m gonna stop annoying my GF soulmate too. She knows this road better than I and has a great handle on it. Time to be mature here and becoming the giggling gfs we were before the serious stuff broke!
I`m not gonna paint son`s room this week end. It can wait til H is back at work. He doesn`t have to witness me being a martyr and perfect parent.
I don`t want to meet my maker one day and have him ask me what the heck did you do to that guy, why couldn`t you let him be to find the tools he needed to save himself?
I`m drinking more. No not seriously so. I had three glasses of wine last night, one the night before. I`m certainly drinking more than in happier times.I`m dropping that too. Its driving me crazy, making me lazy, driving out the new me.
