totally messed things up!!

[Eye of the Tiger]

The thing is that she knows I want to save the marriage.so she thinks that I will always be there.Now suppose i tell her do what you want and leave ME alone.What could her reaction be to that?

[K4D]

Are you prepared to be left alone? Are you going to follow through with that if she comes to you and wants you to take care of something for her? Or are you going to cave and do it and then she will know you don't really stand on what you said and she will have even less respect for you.

I personally think it is better to show her than to say that. But that is just my opinion. She will figure it out by you not answering your phone right away and by you not calling her back right away and by you not being able to take care of whatever she wants you to do for her at her will. Actions are better than words.

You can go either route. But I think it would be better to start with the actions which also does provide mystery and plants thoughts about you more in her head. She starts to wonder what you are up to and WHY all of a sudden you aren't quite there for her. Curiosity will start drawing her back versus being told to get lost.

Did you read DB or DR?

I see that Puppy has already talked to you earlier in your thread.

[Eye of the Tiger]

Reading the post byK4D above.He said actions speak louder than words.That I know is true.But by not answering her calls and I know she is going to call a lot about car could really just make her pissed.I know,not really my concern.I just feel like telling her when she calls that if she is with someone else why bother asking me to do things for her.In a nice way of course.Could this be counter productive?It is true though ,right?I can't be the handyman and have om reap all the benefits.That makes me look like a fool.

[K4D]

I can't be the handyman and have om reap all the benefits.That makes me look like a fool.

Bingo.

Kevin

[davidswife]

I can't be the handyman and have om reap all the benefits.That makes me look like a fool.

Yes, it does.

[Eye of the Tiger]

Well I kinda knew that.But as we see here that sometimes knowing your the fool doesn't help.In any case the real thing is we try to not make our WAS's more angrythan they might already be.By me ignoring her 6 phones could get her pissed and not curious.If I just tell her straight out that I am not the handyman in her life anymore there might be less anger and maybe she'll get the point.Any advice on this?it is just something I am pondering.

[Eye of the Tiger]

Like I said she's called at least 6 times this morning most likely wondering if I'm going to fix car today.I've ignored the calls.I've prepared a text preety much explaining that I can't do these things for her if she is in another relationship.I figured it was better than calling her and getting into argument.I haven't sent it yet.Its nothing nasty just pretty much explains that I am not going to be a doormat.I do have my pride.I've pretty much said do not call anymore until you can figure out what you want in your life.Any feedback?

[Eye of the Tiger]

So she just drove to my house.Asked why I didn't answer the phone.I told her I WAS BUSY.then she asks if she could borrow my sports car while I work on her car.I told her no.I told her MAYBE i could work on car later.I haven't sent text yet but feel I'm going to soon.She comes here figuring she could hang out in my pool while I'm working on her car.I am so steamed right now.The saying you get more with honey then you do with vinegar is on my mind right now.But I also know I can't fold to her when she needs someting done.Help please.

[wolverine1997]

You have your boundaries set. Keep them. If you allow her to cross your boundaries you will get upset with yourself and probably do or say something that you will regret later. Also, she won't respect you if you won't stand up for yourself. Make her respect your boundaries by not allowing her to cross them.

[Eye of the Tiger]

Thanks Wolverine,
I realize that boundaries have to be set.I also understand about respect.Will she repect me more if I tell her that I am not doing it or if I show her I am stronger person by fixing the car and showing her that I am not the spiteful type.