The real fear I have is that if I don't bend over backwards for this R, who will. He certainly hasn't shown that to be a priority. The other fear is I will stop wanting to "re-create" this R. How can I want to re-create something with the same person who blew it up to smithereens? And last but not the least, I am afraid that I will break down and cry and cry during this ordeal. How am I supposed to be smiles and friendly while I am getting a divorce? I don't know why, but I don't want to see him. I don't really want to talk to him. I feel as though it doesn't matter what I say or do, he doesn't want me as I am now. So, what........I am supposed to suddenly become this woman he wants. Give me a break.
Like you MsMelancoly, the stakes are much higher for me. It definately will be a different R and I don't know if I would ever be surprised if he left me again. Because......bottom line...fool me once, you're the fool....fool me twice, I'm the fool.
The other thing I keep thinking about is my other previous R. I remember I was always the one that was left trying. I don't want to try anymore........bc guess what........none of those R worked.....why will this one?
On the one hand, how do I NOT try to salvage this R and on the other, are you kidding me? I am somehow starting at square one and I have to go thru all the "dating" stuff again....for what end purpose?
SEE............alot of anger and just unhealthy thoughts in my brain right now. Partly why I haven't been writing much of late. Not much to say that is constructive.
I am going on with my day though. Busy all day....exhausted...sleep......busy all day! Working all day tomorrow....till 8pm...so another weekend will probably just easily go by. I am looking forward to Sunday. An entire day off! I am so going to sleep and watch a good movie!
