Waiting More Than a Dozen Years

[TeaEarlGreyHot]

I'm between teaching a course this week and making a presentation and attending a conference next week. There are a number of items to cover here.

First, I took the test and naswered the questions honestly. Came up with a score of "29" though one question could have changed the score to "30."

Second, there was only one negotiation and that was over our sex life. And it did not start out so much of a negotiation as a series of accusations and complaints on my part. None of that changed the overall trajectory of our sex life...there might be some temporary alteration, but after a brief flurry (yes, the snow metaphor), the time between periods of sexual intimacy got longer and longer.

Third, the other things I described as giving up came about not because I was avoiding conflict, far from it. These were running arguments sometimes extremely loud, hurtful, seething, and they ran for days, weeks months, and years. Avoiding conflict? Not hardly, as we sometimes say here.

Worn down or worn out? Yes, but hardly a case of avoiding conflict. As I said, there is a feeling that has run throughout much of this that has me say to myself that love and relationships aren't this difficult. And it is possible that I made a really poor choice when I chose to remarry and this is the person that I chose.

Now, I realize that in my experience that I have not done everything possible. How do I know? We are both still alive. But if there is anything that you've missed in your rush to pronounce me, it is my level of exhaustion. As my own mountain climbing and backpacking experience has taught me, sometimes you have to know when to push on because if you don't, you're dead. But sometimes sitting tight and waiting it out is the smart move. As I said, it sometimes feels like I'm just running out the clock until...whatever comes next.

As for the other things, there are only three promises. I gave my word and my word is who I am. On the first two, I'm real solid. On threatening to leave, I'm solid on that, too. That was because I was threatening to leave and the therapist said and convinced me that it was not helpful. There will be no threat, no warning. Simply, "I'm done."