H's birthday today. Still need to buy a card. I just bought him some of his favorite candy - just a little gift. I don't think he's going to the lake this weekend because of everything that's been going on. When he talks about going -it's more about just a break from everything that's been going on this week and the opportunity to sleep. Neither one of us has slept well this week. In addition, his foreman was out on vacation this week so that added a lot of extra stress on him.
My H is still engaged with me. He initiated ML this morning and talked about more birthday ML for tonight. Still just taking things one day at a time.
Talked to H awhile ago. She's getting released today. Her H is supposed to pick her up. Her H and one daughter moved back into their house this week (the other daughter was already living there with her). So the plan is that she will move into the apartment where her H and one daughter were living.
They've got a therapy plan for her and she will start that next week. She's talking about getting well and getting back into nursing. Her H is supposed to be selling a farm they own and when that happens the proceeds are supposed to be used to by her a house. Their large house is for sale. I talked with my H about her making new friends and hopefully at some point she can date again. I was able to gently suggest that now my husband can start to pull back (can't remember what words I used now) and he said that's the plan.
He's decided after we have his birthday dinner tonight that he's going down to the lake for stress relief. He said between this situation, his foreman being gone this week and how busy they are at work - his stress level is off the charts. He just wants to be by himself and rest.
I'm going to be sure to give him space this weekend. I won't be calling him at all. I was a good listener to him this week but I know I let my jealousy show a couple of times, and we already know that I exhibited some pursuing behaviors so the time apart will be good for me to regroup as well.
Time will tell now if he pulls back like he says he's going to. I've just turned this over to God. My anxiety has not been good this week so I need to really get my head on straight again with my DBing.
Thanks Sandi and Puppy for all of your support this week! As always I appreciate your candor and your complete openness and honesty with me!
Just had a really good conversation/dinner with my H before he left for the lake. He talked about the latest update. But he got deeper and said to me I hope you know I would never get involved with X. I especially wouldn't want to be involved with someone who has her type of problems. He even said he knew I had a right to feel the way I do about things. I won't get into everything else but it took a weight off my shoulders.
Even though all I gave him for his birthday was a big bag of lots of different kinds of his favorite candy. He seemed to think that it was thoughtful. He loves the large size Lemonheads and I was able to find them at our local Ben Franklin store. He said where did you find those? We at dinner together at the kitchen table for a change with our youngest son (oldest son doesn't get off work until 9 pm). It was nice for a change. We remodeled our kitchen last Fall/Winter and I bet we've only sat there together a handle of times.
I was working in the kitchen cleaning up some dishes while he was getting ready to leave for the lake. He made a point of coming over to me and giving me a hug and a kiss.
I had a half day of vacation today and really had an agonizing afternoon. My mind was replaying everything everyone has been warning me about. I got myself so worked up. God is sure good because when I've had about more than I can take - something happens like our conversation tonight.
I feel back on track. I know there are going to be more ups and downs but I'll be able to get through them.
Puppy - I hope things are better for your D20. I'm continuing to say prayers for her.
Thanks again Puppy & Sandi for who you are. As I've told Puppy before, you are doing some great work on this site. You're touching a lot of people's lives in such a positive way.
That sounds good and I hope & pray that your H will be able to pull back from that situation and start giving his time and attention to his family. I am still concerned that he is either not admitting his attachment to OW or else he is in deep denial.....but I "hope" that he will resolve within his heart to use this time to get his act together and cut ties. I have seen men here on the board who would have a woman who turned to them as a "friend" and the man would talk as if he did not see how it was headed down the EA path. Makes you wonder about some men, doesn't it? Anyway, you still have our support and sure want everything to work for your good.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks Sandi. It's one baby step but I'll take it.
One of the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place was because he had such a good, kind heart. Although during the last 12 weeks I've really missed it :0) He's like this with both men and women. He's always the good guy who tries to help. Sometimes to his detriment - especially with his employees.
It does make you wonder about men. Men and women certainly think differently.
Thanks for your support - I know I will definitely need it going forward. I know there will be more difficult times ahead.
On a positive note - I've lost another 2 lbs. I'm down 17 - can't wait to get the 25 lb mark. I'll have a nice dent in my weight loss goal then! I'm sticking to my other positive changes as well. I'm feeling like me again. It's a shame it took this to wake me up out of my coma as I call it.
Everything happens for a reason. I'm praying this is happening so we can finally have the happy marriage we both have always wanted.
Hello! Hope you both are well. Puppy I hope your D20's situation is improving. Things continue to go well with my H. Unfortunately, the situation with his best friend (well now probably ex-best friend) and his wife continues to go downhill. It's amazing how cruel, heartless and uncaring his ex-best friend has become! I think this has been a huge eye opener for my H!
My H and I are growing closer all the time. He's apologized over and over again for us being caught in this situation. He told me he's not feeling real great about himself right now - especially over how this has impacted me.
Our youngest son has been at church youth camp all week and our oldest spends every waking moment with his girlfriend (when he's not working) so we've spent the majority of our time together this week and it's been really good. Lots of good open discussion.
My H came to my work on Tuesday and we went out to lunch. He actually opened the truck door for me! Last night we bought a much needed new cell phone for me. We were testing my voice mail sitting in his truck. His message was "M I love you."
These are small steps I know but they mean a lot. He said last night he'd like to go somewhere other than the lake for our 25th anniversary (actually on the 25th). Yes - we're actually talking about a weekend getaway just the two of us for our anniversary!
Soooo - so far so good for now. Still just taking it one day at a time. Oh yeah and current weight loss stands at 21 lbs!
Slow and steady is right. His turnaround has me a little freaked out and I'm not sure why.
The "I love you's" continue which is wonderful. We talk all the time now. I almost feel like I need to pinch myself.
He's at the lake with my oldest son and his girlfriend his weekend. I stayed back to pick up our youngest son from church camp this morning. He must have called me 5 or 6 times last night and today already!
I'm having a problem with my gum's receding due to stress. My H really felt bad about that! Looks like the ex-friend has actually filed for divorce now and full custody of their two girls (although they are 16 & 18 so I'm not sure how that works). It looks like this is going to be a nasty divorce. My H will most certainly be called to testify. It just makes him sick.
On a positive note, I think he knows now that he needs to do some individual counseling. Hopefully he'll follow through.
Just got back from a work trip this week. Everything is still going well. Just taking things one day at a time.
My H scheduled our anniversary trip this week. We're renting a cabin at a resort about 4 hrs away next to a beautiful lake.
He's pulled himself away from the support of our friend. He only checks in about once a week with her. She and I have talked as well. He's not heard one word from her H.
