Can it get any worse?

[glamgirl]

Hey SC I am a far cry from looking hot, but I do look and feel better than I did a year ago. Thanks to you, pointing out the circuit training. I do believe it's helping.

Not sure where this will all end, but the hardest part is looking at h and really embracing the person he became. Not in a million years would I have believed it if someone had told me what he was capable of. He didn't really seem to be the type, but then he really fooled me.

It is still so hard to imagine the person I loved so much, did all these hurtful things to me, his kids, his family, his friends. I just shake my head.

I guess it really shows what happens when you stray so far away from God. You lose your moral compass.

I can't imagine that my h really even likes himself. How could he be happy with his life or situation. The problem is he refuses to do anything about it.

He was adored by his family. He had so much going for himself. Now he has reduced himself to the shell of a man he is today. He could get some dignity back IF he tried. He could show his kids what it is to be a real man and a h, but he chooses not to. Why he chose the life he has now and continues to choose that life is beyond me.

I really thought by this time he would have tired of his life. I guess I was wrong. I guess I was way wrong of him as a person too.

I believe more and more that maybe we were just not right for each other. I thought he would be content raising a family, but in hidesight I guess he just didn't fit that mold.

I also think all the time he was saying I didn't respect him, what he really was saying is he didn't respect me as his w, friend, lover, or partner. He still doesn't respect me.

I will leave it at that. I so longed and still do for answers, but they will never be found. Do the anwers really matter?

I am just sad that my h was just one of the many spouses that wasn't strong enough when it was needed most. He could be enjoying not only his kids, but his own family at this time.

I just cry when h's family send photos of such happy times together without h. He truly doesn't know what he is missing. He will never get that time back or bond that was broken. He doesn't seem to care either whether his bro's and parents are in his life. It's as if they don't exist to him.

One of his aunts just passed away and I let h know. He just seemed to shrug and said something about how they make a big deal about death. I remember a time when my h's mom was hospitalized and my h jumped on a plane as fast as lightning to be by his mom's side. Now he wouldn't even make a phone call to honor his aunt. So sad, so sad!