A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

Hope sucks!! *grinning* It's so much harder to be here at H's place now that I have hope because it just intensifies all of the *wanting*. I'm in a pretty good place with it, but needed a mini-vent.

I've been working on job stuff most of the day, took kidlet out for lunch and I have to go out in an hr or two because I told H I would pick up milk and lettuce. May also try to time it so I'm not here when he gets home. I'm wearing jeans and my favorite shirt, a lace and velvet number that he's complimented before. I'm debating changing into a dress before he gets home. My hair and make up are done and I've got my game face on.

Confident, attractive, upbeat - but not needy or pursuing.

Kidlet mentioned that they'd had a picnic with the OW in between my visits, so H is probably in somewhat of a quandary and better armed against my wiles than he was last visit. Poo! But hey, I know what I've got to offer and it's a darn good package.

Also - and I could use some input on this one - last time our D papers were kicked back (early Feb.), they mailed them here to H's house instead of to me. Really bad move on their part. Anyway, I took them and put them in my car. I doubt he would do this, but that little niggling voice said he could do something like forge my sig. and finalize the darn thing behind my back.

I want to file a dismissal, but if I do, doesn't it put me at a disadvantage if he then files himself? He also wants kidlet to live with him and got to school up here if I don't have a job here by the time school starts. I'm not so sure I want to agree to that, either, in part because if we do proceed to D, it weakens my position.

I *might* agree to it if he gave me his word that he would not proceed with divorce for one full year. Might... I do still have some concerns re: parenting. Kidlet regularly stays up til 10 pm, sometimes 11, H lets him sleep in his clothes and for supper last night (before I got here) the child apparently nuked himself 3 TV dinners. H was home, but working on a free lance project. I don't know how often that happens - box meals, that is. The rest of the food in the house is decently healthy, natural stuff.

Has anyone filed a dismissal? Does H have to sign it or just me? Anyone got input on how this might affect me if he files something himself?

For the record, his mother has said that if he ever gets back with me, she will write him out of the will. Can you believe that? He didn't tell me, my FIL did, though FIL also told me he's not sure she actually would plus he implied that if she tried, he wouldn't let it happen. My MIL is controlling and manipulative, so one of the other issues we face/d in the M was that he caved to her pretty often, including things like letting her exclude me from my own son's birthday dinner.