That is rough. I'm pretty sure it would be tougher to do if you weren't able to prepare for it. I'm at least being able to ready myself. I know I'm going to be very sad and broken up, but I'll also have a sense of relief that he's at peace.
I'm planning on being w/him when they do it and would like to hold him if I can.
Rob, sorry about finances, I guess in that respect we are not alone. I actually have my dog insured but it doesn't cover euthanasia or the return of ashes etc. last year he had an op that cost a huge amount of money and insurance only covered the first �1000.00. (I thought that would be plenty when I choose the cover) Shortly after he went lame again and now he has a tumour causing nerve damage and amputation is not viable with a steel plate in back leg. I stay with mine and stroke and soothe. Yes it is hard but the least we can do given the years of love and loyalty they gave us. I also plant a tree or shrub in memory. That helps me. I am big on rituals as comfort for me. Be thinking of you all.
Today may have been one of the most difficult days I can ever remember as I had to put my good friend down.
I've been emotional all day and will probably be off and on for a while. I miss him so much already and it was so uncomfortable to come home and not have him here. I instantly started bawling.
He died in my arms and although I know it was necessary, it still makes me sick inside. I feel guilty somehow to have done this, but I know I'll process that feeling and understand it well in time.
He was a wonderful little dog and my best friend. He was here for me regardless and I'll always thank him for that.
My mother may have summed it up best when she said "He helped you through many hard times. Maybe his work was done and he waited until you were strong enough to let him go."
I'm going to choose to think this is the truth and he was wanting to go and just held on until I had the strength to do it.
It still doesn't make it any easier to say good-bye to someone who was so important to your day-to-day life.
I'll be better in a few days after it all has time to really sink in that he's gone.
I know how you feel. I cried for 2 days after I put our dog down. And I had sworn he would be my last dog. After 2 days of crying, I bought the cutest little puppy. She is my sweetheart now.
You have a very astute mom. What she says is true. Many terminally ill patients, especially children, will cling to life until they're given permission to leave. They linger painfully because of the pain the parents, family will feel with their passing.
I told my dad in his drug induced coma that we supported his decision I was the only one who said it to him. That it was okay, we loved him, he was a good dad, man and husband. When I said that we'd take care of Mom, I felt his energy shift, almost like he relaxed.
It's so hard to say goodbye. It's so hard to let go of love, yet such a gift to be there, to be the warm embrace, the loving cuddle, to be unconditional in your caring.
You gave your puppy a gift, a very painful one to your heart. And he was there for you in your darkest days, and shared the light of your life emerging.
I am so sorry for your loss, Rob, but so proud of what you gave. Are there pictures of him in the alternate universe?
I'm still crying from time to time, off and on. I'm fine if I don't think about him or talk about him, so I guess I know how to keep from being so sad, right?
If only it was that easy.
As for getting another dog, I can't do that as long as I'm in an apartment. It isn't fair to a dog to coop them up all day. Also, I'm really not sure I can go through the attachment any time soon. I'm planning on staying away from pets for quite a while. I can't bear the thought of having another one because of what I had to do today to a dog that was only 7 1/2 years old.
The apartment is an empty place right now. Yes, the cat I inherited from the divorce is still here, but the energy is so different. I'm going to struggle with not having someone so incredibly eager to see me every day. It will be better w/time, but for now it is pretty tough.
The vet spoke w/the neurologist last night and he believes my dog's issues were directly related to a weakened immune system. I made the appointment for today because I didn't want to prolong the process. It is just too painful for me to think of let alone having to watch him struggle w/his inability to keep his poop inside his rear.
He was often embarassed and confused about what was going on back there and every time I'd try to help him finish or clean him up, he'd yelp w/pain and discomfort. He was miserable and if it was the immune system, chances are it would only get worse.
So, I know in my head I did the right thing. However, my heart is still incredibly heavy and filled w/guilt. I'm guessing this is part of the grieving process.
The vet and I talked about how Rocky was stressed, not only w/living in the apartment, but mostly from being separated from his brother by my XW. They had grown up together and she insisted on separating them - despite my BEGGING and PLEADING to keep them together. XW said the other dog adjusted fine and Rocky would too. I told her he wasn't like that and needed someone.
He never was able to adjust and I can't help but think the stress of being alone was another factor which weakened his immune system. The problem is I couldn't get him a playmate while I'm living here as there are pet limits, but I was planning on finding a house when my lease was up in January and getting him one then.
I just didn't expect him to not make it that far.
So, I'm cleaning the rugs now and washing all of the things he soiled while he was sick. It is so sad, but I know he's happy now and he's no longer confused, embarassed, or uncomfortable in any way.
My little guy died in my arms, so he knew I was there for him. That is important to me.
I too agree w/my mom's take on things and I did tell Rocky that it was ok for him to go and I thanked him for being such a wonderful companion to me.
I think this is the apex of my issues (as I've mentioned before) and I am trying to be positive with this situation and think that my little man is telling me it is time to move forward and break free from everthing that has been weighing me down from the past. He was a wise little one for sure.
Gypsy, thank you for saying I gave my friend a gift. It does hurt me deeply, but I made sure these past several weeks to spend most of my time laying w/him and loving on him. I'm going to miss him under the covers at night when I sleep, but I know he's with me in my heart always.
I just put up a few pictures of Rocky on FB. I'm going to add a drawing that D made of him the other day when she was here. I've put it on my wall to see him through her eyes when I'm home.
As with any loss, I'll need to grieve, then over time, I'll be able to accept his passing and enjoy what he was able to bring to me. I only wish I could speed up the clock b/c today really hurts.
Rob, I think all of us here feel very deeply, and you certainly are no exception. I had to help my baby to the other side back in 07, just a few months after the bomb and in the midst of the mess. There is no easy way to do what needed to be done. I took solace in the fact that, if I had prolonged things, or even tried to surgically intervened, I could never have explained the pain to her. There is no "it will get better" for animals; they know only today. And I couldn't do that to her.
I read this back then, and it helped me...
Quote:
The Rainbow Bridge story Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigour; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again.
The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Thank you so much. I can only pray that he's having the time of his life at Rainbow Bridge and will be ready for me when I get up there too.
This has really helped me too. Thank you for your gift. I can keep this image in my head and begin to feel better about where my beloved little guy is right now.
Hello everyone. I'm doing better w/out my dog. It is difficult to be in the apartment w/out him, but I'm not dumping tears as often anymore. He's playing at "Rainbow Bridge" and that does give me comfort. I'll see him soon.
On the GF front, we're in a weird spot, but I'm pretty sure we'll be able to make it through. She's been under an incredible amount of pressure and while she did get a very favorable decision on custody and child care, she's still struggling w/all of the crap she dealt w/from her ex.
She had a breakdown this weekend and we're now at the stage where she is focusing on getting herself straightened out before we can continue to move forward and begin to get more serious. So, I'm stepping back and giving her all the space and time that she needs.
Thus, there is a chance she'll not want to continue w/me any more in time, but although that is scary b/c I'm really, really falling for her, I don't think that will be the end result. I've been able to figure out that I'm the first, real, genuine, normal, and nice guy she's been with, so she's very, very afraid to take the next leap.
Her good friend told me that she's in love w/me, but just doesn't know how to show it right now. GF wants to get her "head straight" so she can give all of herself to me and us.
So, for now, I'm stepping back. I told her I'll give her the time and space and wait for her and since then, I've not done any contacting of her at all. I've let her initiate all of our talks, and she's contacted me several times w/both trivial and serious items.
I brought her food yesterday and she initiated kissing me when I was leaving and she did the same thing this morning when I saw her as well (her dog got out and I popped by to see if I could find him and surprisingly found her at home).
Anyway, I'm not lingering, but simply doing what I've gone over to do and leaving. Both times, she's been the one to come to me and kiss and hug me as I'm leaving, so I've got to take this as a sign that all of her feelings are still intact toward me and all I need to do is step back and give her the space and time she needs.
I think I'm reading this right, but I'm just a stupid guy and not a lady.
Anyway, that is what is going on for me. My GF is struggling, but in order for us to move our R forward, these are things she has to work out on her own.
So, there may be several days, weeks, or months of "unknown" R status, but in the end, I do think she wants to be w/me too and ultimately, I'm hoping that she and I will be "back on track" and this time will just be a minor bump in the road.
On the other side, if we end up separating, I'll be sad for a bit as I do see the beauty in GF and do feel I've captured a bolt of lightening in a bottle and don't want to let it go.
However, I've learned life is way too short to stop and end things if we don't make it long-term. I'll be sad, but I'll be able to get up quickly and move forward again.
But for now, I will stay patient, positive, and loving toward her in any way she needs it right now and let it all fall into its place.
Ultimately, things do happen for a reason and it is all in God's hands anyway. So, I'll put my trust in Him and go from there.
