K4D Rising #4

[Steve McQueen]

Come on KJ - Now you know that Damone was a genious!!!

Mike Damone: Yeah! The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.

[mac-ct]

He has his own time-line and knows the road map.

I hope you realize that all the advice from day one pointed to one thing...detaching. You have your ups and downs but now you're throwing religion at it.

Oh yes - thats for sure. Go with the flow K.
There's been weird things happening in my sitch that I just can't explain.
I certainly didn't engineer some of the "stuff" that just happened.
I'm sure that "someone" is guiding all this &%#*.
I'm not so religious that I'll go banging on doors, twisting arms or beating a path to the local church. BUT I always do "my thing" with the "someone" every evening and every morning. And things "happen".


maybe thats just me being cynical and covering my bases but I think not.

Chin up.

Mac

[25yearsmlc]

Sorry to hear you're having a bad day.

Remember a couple of posts ago, I mentioned how you need to be careful not to seem judgmental towards her especially in the form of religion? Well....

"Why waste your time with something such as M if you don't believe in the vows and covenant being for life? Why bother? Why not just take that money and go have a fantasy vacation if it truly means nothing? Why marry in a church if it means nothing? It just seemed like something neat to do? The bible doesn't say you can just get divorced and remarried and all is good as long as you are happy and didn't like your situation. It doesn't say that anywhere."

That sounds pretty judgemental.

I hope you realize that all the advice from day one pointed to one thing...detaching. You have your ups and downs but now you're throwing religion at it.

There are times where now you're beginning to sound self-righteous, then you turn it around and say...let go let God.

Well, you're right. Let God take care of it. Release your burden to Him and see what happens. Go back and read the story of the Prodigal Son. That's detachment and faith right there.

great post Stk, and something I read in a book recently about how people who use religion to Win arguments, convince others that they are "proved right" are SOOOO missing out on the real message, which is spreading God's message of love and modelling forgiveness. One author submits that people who argue about God and quote scripture to "win their arguments" rarely if ever, thereby turn someone's heart to God. They usually turn them off.

I have a brother who has been "witnessing" for decades, bringing up scripture with self righteous indignation and (usually anger) and turns everyone off. My brother says it's religious persecution that makes us upset with him, but he doesn't see how HE is the persecutor, and that's why no one invites him to celebrations or family events unless they have to.

As for a spiritual awakening for her, Kevin, how is that your job to worry about? That's God's job. Your job is your own spiritual awakening and preparing youreslf for it so when you have one, you'll be ready.

Birthday? I think taking your d's to dinner and having cake for dessert with a candle on it and a waiter singing Happy Birthday is one idea. Or Maybe make something special at home, or meet up with some friends and let your d's see you happy with new people in your life. That'd be a good 180' You have a lot to be grateful for, and you have gotten through a very tough year, & everyone you love is still healthy and safe.
j-

[K4D]

I can't believe it has been almost a year of this and I feel further apart now and more hopeless than when it began. I guess when you don't see or hear from your S for a while that you begin to wonder how is anything supposed to change with no interaction.

I can do my birthday for my girls. It will mean something to them even if not to me.

Ok. I am backsliding to far today. I have got to come back to moving forward and praying with faith and without doubt. I have a huge lesson to learn there obviously because my faith is really taking a beating today.

Kevin

[Eye of the Tiger]

Kev,
You have given me some good advice.My turn to reciprocate.All of here on the board have done a tremendous amount to try to save their marriages.We should all give ourselves a pat on the back for that.Everybody has their own set amount of time they feel they need to put into it.We are all going to backslide now and then.In my own sitch I should've started a little sooner but that is over and I need to work on going forward.You have to do what you need to do and that is it.Take care.Keep the faith.

[K4D]

Thanks EOTT,

I'm working back at it. Just had a rough day with my faith today.

Kevin

[ppenton]

Kev- Whenever I start to think about my W and it will take me down a path I don't want to travel, I think about a STOP sign (DR) or pray to God for strength to think of something else. Keep moving forward and getting a bike is a great idea. I love riding through the woods near my house
Also, I found rejoiceministries to be a God send and very helpful each day. It was from there I decide to take the challenge to read the Bible in 90 days and so far I'm on track to reach my goal. Have a good weekend, I'm off to the divorce support group I attend and I have baked brownies for tonight. I think we are going to watch "The Secret".

[antlers]

I think I might really go buy that bike.

I highly recommend it! One of the best things I've ever done. Don't get a beater...get a good one! You'll enjoy it so much more!

[The Wifey]

Hey Mules - It is genious! Not only did it accomplish his goal of having lots of women, it also made those women feel like queens in the moment.

Remember Fast Times at Ridgemont High - Damone's 5 point plan:
number 2 - "wherever I am, that's the place to be. Isn't this great??"

Mules

Thanks to Wikipedia:

[the "five-point plan"] First of all Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. "Oh, Debbie. Hi." Two, you always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." And five, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

Come on KJ - Now you know that Damone was a genious! That entire list is gold!!!

Number 4 is awesome!!

[The Wifey]

I'm just having a bad day for some reason. Things feel hopeless today.

Kevin, you will have hopeless days. That is when you hit your knees and you pray to God to let him know you need his help. The burden of the pain will hold you down until you do. Let go and let God is more than just knowing the statement, it really and truly is telling him that for today, you are finding it too hard to handle and you need him to do the heavy lifting. If you do, he will.

It seems that every day that goes by with no contact, there is less chance of things working back towards a reconciliation. I sometimes wonder if she even thinks about me anymore. I can't imagine she does. She just seems so intent on having fun and finding that next person that I am an after thought.

Honey, I promise you she does think about you. No one can be in your life, fall in love with you, marry you, bear your children and then just forget. Do you think for one minute she is going to tell you that? Do you think she is going to show you one minute of doubt right now?

As far as having fun - right now that is her intention. That is the fantasy she wants and what she is trying to live right now. Something comes to mind about be careful what you wish for. It won't live up to her fantasy. Moments of fun without true love and meaning behind them get old.

I think often about my h, that wanted to be his own man, and figure out himself, living with his parents and spending most of his nights sitting in a tiny 8x10 bedroom watching movies on his laptop. Every time he comes here and watches a movie in the lounge chair with the surround sound and a cold beer I can see the wheels turning.

And you are making an awful big pronouncement about there being less chance every day. Have you heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy? What you focus on is usually what will happen.

Can you, instead, picture the day that your wife says she wants to try. Can you imagine what it will look like? What will it feel like? How happy will your kids be? Will it be at the house or out somewhere. Will you be at a nice restaurant or a local park.

Thank God every day for his work and help in restoring your marriage. Believe and focus.

Where is my patience today. Some days my faith is stronger than other days.

Do not equate impatience and longing with a lack of faith. Faith is between you and God, and the rest you rely on him for. Have you prayed for your wife? I really mean that.

Not just pray that she will come back, but pray for her clarity of thought, her happiness, her safety? Do you pray for her to be the best mother she can be? Do you pray for the Lord to bring her all the wonderful blessings she deserves.

And yes, no matter what has happened, you should.

I get to see her for a few minutes each week when we exchange the kids.

And what does she see in those moments? Do you ask how she is? Do you ask about her with true interest? Do you ask if there is anything you can do for her? Are you not only acting as if, but truly shining? Is your house spotless, children dressed and prepared, you looking good, confident, happy to see her, even it is for just moments?

I guess I don't want to be in the position of having to wait for years for progress to be made even though I know it is not in my hands. I will wait. I just badly don't want to.

What you want versus reality. How much do you love her? I picture POW's sitting in some far off jail trying to keep the faith. They could do it. They did do it. Do you love her enough to keep the faith. Kevin, this is reality, really it is.

I believe you are strong enough. I believe you can be the man she needs in her life. It is up to you to pull through and not tell, but show her that you are all she will ever need.

Kevin, I have to add one more thing. I resisted like heck everyone's suggestion to get on AD's. For months and months I refused to even consider it. But I am now on Welbutrin and recently added Zanax for anxiety. Mostly because of peri-menopause, but I am thankful I did.

Simply put, even if I have to have the medication to help me control my emotions right now - it has helped me. Controlling my sadness and anxiety has helped me, and let me help my H. I would strongly urge you to visit your Dr and give them some thought.