Wow, oh Wow!Thanks Mach!
At this stage I have to go right back up to the attic to find those DB books I`ve hidden and get that LRT right into my head.

Thanks so so much for your giving so freely of your time and wisdom to this. I hope to put it to good use.

I have got the feeling of letting him go sort his recovery whatever way that is for him. But boy,I do get mad when I think this could drag on for YEARS. Years of me doing everything to keep this family afloat, years of loneliness, years of convering up to friends and my parents that yeah, married life is just great.

So I waver ever bloody day. I think non stop about it. I go from wishing he`d put his arms around me, to being afraid he`ll break my neck, to wondering will I have an affair(my chief thought today!),to fretting about how all this has already impacted on the kids.

My chief emotion when I see him now is fear. Just afraid of what he`s going to do next to get at me.I mask it with nonchalence and telling myself to stand strong, but gentle, in my space.(before I would have ALWAYS got angry!) And xanax, when the need arises.

I came home this evening and as soon as I came in he just said "I`m going out" and off he headed. Possibly for the night. I don`t know.I didn`t ask because I want him to go do what he likes and not feel controlled by me. And anyway, I`m just glad he`s gone so I can log on here in peace!

Okay off to read more of your posts Mach, more about LRT and detaching. And more about improving my candy store!

Cat, I really do wonder if I can stick with this for much longer. Don`t know how you did it!There`s plenty of learning in this for me in things like patience and self control which are sadly lacking in my part. I really do feel sorry for H. Sorry for the little boy lost in the angry man`s body. Sorry for his isolation from his family and others. Sorry for his lack of self worth. But I`m not going into the pit with him again.

Dia, his childhood stuff is so big, he`s convinced he had a wonderful childhood and that his mother could do no wrong.

Mach, thanks again. And thanks to all you who posted today-it made my evening(8 27 pm here)to get all these replies.