Stop. Just stop right now. Stop that 'thinking alot' thing. Thinking alot is like hitting a dead horse. Swirling thoughts of shuddawuddacudda that go absolutely nowhere. The past IS the past. Who you are now, how you're growing and changing in a positive manner is what counts.
Backward thinking is guilt's slippery way of holding on. Shoo, guilt, shame, shoo.
Uncontrolled drinking is alarming, a manner of self medication, zoning out and withdrawing from emotional pain. Followed by depression 2 1/2 years later. Several different types of depression exist. It's not a one size fits all. Something's been amiss for a while. Perhaps that's why she thinks YOU'RE not happy. A cop out on her part. It's not her job to do your thinking for you.
Your wife telling you what's specifically wrong would be a peachy way to 'fix' things. How about changing the sentence to what YOU need in a relationship? Successful relationships are dynamic, not one way scenarios.
G-man.. you understand her. Go with that understanding and compassion but drop the rest. All those thoughts are suckers that draw life from primary plant. Big picture.. keep focused on the goal.. BE the goal patrol!
How's your inner voice developing, the bullshit meter? DB starts out as a lifeline and progresses to a technique in your arsenal of new found skills. Anything new takes lots of practice, uses energy. It's your choice what you focus on, what your goals are in your marriage, relationships and life.
Would you go to your wife's home unannounced, walk in without knocking, knock once, call out then come in? Once again focus on boundaries and goals. Is it a question of respect, respecting the situation? Do you ever share things that troubles/bother you? Here's a tool I use:
"When blah blah..., I feel blah blah, because blah blah."
Or in the situation you describe
"When you're in the house unexpectedly, I feel uncomfortable because (fill in the blank)."
It's expressive without being judgmental or aggressive.
You're the man.
*hugs*
Oh yes.. and if you're looking for a GAL experience, come see "The Music Man" in Shelton running this weekend and next. Broadway caliber sets, spot on period costumes and skilled performers.. simply amazing! Contact Center Stage in Shelton for info.
