Do I want to know the truth?

[newnamenewlife]

I am stuck lately. My H moved out 13 months ago after telling me ILYBINILWY. I asked him repeatedly if he was having any kind of affair, and he insisted he wasn't. He said he just couldn't stay in our M and be happy. For the record, he has always placed a huge value on integrity and morality and so I believed him when he says he was not having an affair.

Well, a few months after he moved out, he told me he was seeing someone. I learned it was someone he'd worked with a couple of years ago on a project and that he'd been seeing her since the summer. He moved out late June a year ago, so I'm not sure when exactly--but obviously very soon after he left.

Anyway, he's still with this OW and things seems to be getting increasingly serious. I can tell that soon he he going to introduce her to our kids. I am not interested in restoring our M--that ship has sailed--but I am really miserable over the fact that he is in a meaningful R and has been for our ENTIRE separation.

In retrospect, a LOT of things he said and did seem consistent with his having been involved with this woman prior to deciding to leave. He was completely resistant to working on our M, which really didn't make sense given our strong history together. I do NOT believe that he left for the great unknown, as he made it seem. He was too determined, too driven. IT always felt like there was something he wasn't telling me.

So now I'm wondering if it would be helpful or more hurtful to know more about his past R with this OW. He still insists that he was not having an affair with her, but started seeing her after he left.

I am tortured by this. I feel deceived and hurt all over again and EVERYONE who learned about his R with this woman thinks of COURSE he was having an EA or PA.

I've been considering asking him if he would come with me to my therapist (who was our couple's therapist for a while, though H would not participate) to discuss this.

Will it give me closure to learn the truth or make me feel worse?