K4D Rising #4

[The Wifey]

Kevin,

Ummm, let me pad my 2x4.

I have had the same rants from time to time. But - GET REAL!!!

There is a covenant, she has broken it, she has had the PA's, she feels justified, whatever the reasons and no matter how she has to lie to herself.

Frusturated and venting this morning. Time continues to go by and I see no change in W. How long before any kind of spiritual awakening occurs? Some realization of what a vow and covenant really means? Some thought about "Oh, I do have a family and kids that need both parents to be united and loving"? "Oh you mean that was for life? I didn't realize for life meant for life".

Kevin

Listen to me carefully Kev. There isn't going to be a sudden spiritual awakening. It will take time. Butterfly wings, not giant leaps.

I'm sorry. It sucks that we are going through this. Its horrible that the one that stood next to us and said the same vows is doing & choosing what they are. BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS.

If you think you are going to just wake up one morning and you will be jumping to piecing is not realistic - right now. Patience, time, positive interactions over time, you taking care of you should be the focus.

And giving her the card from the kids is not going to do a thing for either of you if you are doing it WITH EXPECTATIONS.

You will not make progress at all until you can accept that it really is reality. It is what you are living and seeing and feeling. No amount of will changes that.

Also consider, even if you or I want to put everything our S does under the label of a MLC - that it is a cop-out.

I know things I did wrong. I know how I hurt my H. If I acted like he was just going to come to his senses because he knows not what he does, that would disregard and disrespect what and how he honestly felt.

Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. And they don't just wake up the morning they drop the bomb and change. It takes time to get to the point where you start to lose hope and consider that maybe this m is not where I am supposed to be.

And if you disrespect that she honestly felt this way, went through soul - searching and consideration and then made the decision she did - NO MATTER HOW PAINFUL FOR YOU RIGHT NOW - then how in the heck could you expect her to reconsider, come closer to you, etc.

Its hard, but not impossible. Not easy, but simple. Work the DB principals. Internalize it. Make it a part of you and not just something you kinda' follow.

Do this because you have to be the most handsome, confident, warm, friendly, interesting wonderful you for you before she will take a second look. The hurt hurts, and don't I know it. How will she believe any of your changes if you are only faking them?

I step out on faith every day. Have your read Separated & Waiting? I think it might be something you could benefit from.