Divorce not busted 2

[Deep]

Hi Orich. I've been quietly reading your thread and some others. And I have rememebered you in some of my prayers. Just thought I'll add in a few words at this point.

Look, it's been said enough, but I also personally went through so much of the script you were handed - with some differences in my case. W gave the classic ILYBIMNILWY crap after I found out about the A. Before that, she was taling about how we had grown apart, how we lost what we had, how she wanted things in life, but was unsure if she wanted them with me any more. How she no longer missed me, how she had lost her friends and her life because of our M. I also refused to believe there could be an OM. Actually, the OM was all-important in the change of her state of being.

Difference was she did not really want a D, she wanted to give the kids a "proper home". But it did not lessen one bit how convinced she was that our love was history. In a way, it probably is as painful to have heard her say (essentially) "I'll stay with you, since I do still care for you, and it's not like I can't stand your face. I won't be too unhappy living with you. I'll give up my true love and happiness for the kids". Honestly, I would have preferred a D if this stituation stayed that way long term.

There are a few warning signs that echo my sitch. The "friend" is an obvious one. I agree 100% with Puppy, and despite what Jess wrote, the probability is that he is potentially if not already OM. The other less obvious one is how deaths/ serious illness galvanised W. The prospect of living a life that can suddenly end without experiencing "true love" can do strange things to sane people. It certainly did to my W. she has mentioned more than once how a colleague's brain tumour spurred her into an A.

And in this world, there are people who are utterly scum. OM in my case gave much the same "advice". He suggested taking romantic trips with me, going for counselling etc. To paraphrase Kevin, he was insidiously helping himself. Over time, the advice started taking place in quiet places, chartered yacht cruises and by the time I put a stop to it, it was only a week or so away from a 2 week European holiday he had planned "to help give her a break". I dug out the text where W was asking him why he only booked one room. wow, imagine that eh?

But what really takes the cake was the times he encouraged her to ask ME to join them for drinks and be all pally and solicitous with me.

I have not posted on my sitch, deliberately so. In the last weeks, I've had excellent conversations with W. The angst, anger, hurt, tension, lies, omissions etc is fading from our talks now. Not saying it's a bed of roses, it ain't, but it's so much better now. We're feeling back in love again, and in many ways it's better than the honeymoon phase because of what we went through. I never thought we would be here, and neither did she, and by God's grace and mercy, somehow we are. She's broken down a few times this past week and told me how sorry she is again, now that we are really facing the demons in a way we could not even as tried to heal over the first 18 months.

Stunningly to me, my firmly agnostic W actually told me that maybe, just maybe, what happened and Retrouvaille was "my" God's call to her.

It does not seem like it, but there's hope. Believe in God and yourself. I remember walking by the river crying my heart out and asking God to take my M in His hands. I didn't let Him at that time of course, and it took a long time to even start doing so. Don't give in to despair. Let Him heal you as He knows best.