Partner left after 9 yrs - 18months on, reunited !

[AliSuddenly]

Thanks Kat for the vote of confidence ad sticking with me! Whatever happened to you mystery man you asked me about before??

There were lots of other things said. For anyone interested in the mind of a WAS/MLCer/PAer, I will keep postign what he tells me, so here it is!

I asked him about last summer.. he looked puzzled when I said we had stayed over night 4 times. He agreed we were spending lots of time together up until the beginning of August and when I asked him why..
bf: I enjoyed spending time with you, I wanted to see you, but I was still confused and .. I was being needy and rubbish.
Me: Needy? So you were using me then because you were lonely?
bf: No, not using you, no, I wanted to see you, to spend time with you but I was being rubbish and still didnt know what I wanted.
me: Did you still fancy me?
bf: Yes, yes i did
me: but you didnt even kiss me
bf: Well, I was still unsure, so I thought I cant, it wouldnt have been right
me: We were going for bike rides and meals out and spending upto 12 hours a day on the weekends by end of July, then 2 weeks later, you were dating Helen. You had a stark choice, a fork in the road, why did you take that choice?
bf: (long pause) I just wanted our breakup to make sense.... it was something new... different..exciting, I dont know, I wasnt thikn that at the time, but in hindsight, I guess I wanted the breakup to make sense somehow and I thought that I would try that
me: you said before it was her, but I guess it was both of you
bf: yes, we just got closer working together, it happened quite quickly but yes, I guess it was both sides.. it was at a leaving do
me: Were you happy, when you took that fork, for the first few months?
bf: (long pause).. No. I thought I was, or I tried to be happy, or to make it be so that I was and then I soon realised it wasnt and thought, why am I doing this to myself?
me: When did you thnk that? When you saw me in November?
bf:... I dont remember, early on, certainly after I saw you and then was very unmanly and cried loads in the car that night
me: So if you realised then.. how come you stayed in that situation another SIX months??
bf:.. I dont know.. I cant explain.. I'm weak, I'm a coward..I upset people all the time, thats what I do, I go around upsetting people and I dont like to upset people, plus it takes me a long time to work through things..but when I had, then it took me a long time to work up the courage to go through with ending it. But I did because I wanted to be here and thats why I am here now.
me: But it worries me you have several times said that you dont like that she hates you
bf: Well thats just me, my ego, I hate for people to not like me and I hurt her and I feel bad about that, I know I hurt you too, but I feel like I messed up, big time, I made a mistake, I acted badly
me: Maybe you shouldnt have dived in...
bf: I know, I f*cked up, I didnt think it through, it just happened
me:.. or maybe you just shouldnt have stayed in the situation as long as you did
bf: I know, I know and now I hurt her and I feel really bad about that
me: but you said that the R wouldnt have lasted anyway, despite wanting me back?
bf: No, it wouldnt have.
me: so then you shouldnt feel bad for it ending, or take all the responsibility
bf: But you must feel guilty and bad that you hurt your ex, when you ended it?
me: No, I didnt, becuase I felt he deserved it because of the way he had acted toward me
bf: well it wasnt like that then, she didnt deserve it
me: But I havent heard a good word said about her, so maybe she has to take some responsibility for the breakup?
bf: I dont want to hear that, thats not fair
me: but I mean, maybe you shouldnt beat yourself up so much for ending it?
bf: I know what you are saying, I know and you're right, but I cant help feeling bad
me: Did it feel wierd, being with her.. getting on a plane with her..
bf: Yes, it all felt unnatural actually. I feel really uncomfortable talking about this and quite stressed
me: Why?
bf: Because I feel foolish, an idiot, I messed up, I hurt you, I feel like a prat and I hate to look foolish, to look stupid, I cant stand it
me: But I dont think you are an idiot, I think it was in the context of being depressed and not making good decisions
bf: No, you're right, I wasnt making good decision, but thats why I feel an idiot, I f*cked up, I got it wrong, I made a mistake, but I know we should talk about stuff and not sweep it under the carpet, but its just hard...

He then went on to say I hadnt answered questions (I did!) about my EA and he felt I had never really been honest about it..He also said he felt we were back to normal, its like before really again, just like we used to be.. only better and that I shouldnt worry and I should STOP saying sorry.

Interesting, seems not surprising he said he went into the dating Helen thing as it was something new and different and he thought that was perhaps what he ought to try, to make our break up make sense somehow. But that he soon realised he had made a big mistake. The atmosphere is still quite strained between us.