K4D Rising #4

[K4D]

if we were to ask your wife, what positive changes has she seen in you? what makes kevin a more attractive option to being single? how would she answer? this is important.

I don't think she could say anything since she refuses to have anything to do with me.

I am doing more with myself. But she doesn't see it or know it or care. Thats what gets to me someimes is that she doesn't care. It makes me angry sometimes. Why waste your time with something such as M if you don't believe in the vows and covenant being for life? Why bother? Why not just take that money and go have a fantasy vacation if it truly means nothing? Why marry in a church if it means nothing? It just seemed like something neat to do? The bible doesn't say you can just get divorced and remarried and all is good as long as you are happy and didn't like your situation. It doesn't say that anywhere.

Doesn't matter what it says though. Some people just don't care. And if you bring it up, you are judgemental.

Yes, I remember fast times at ridgemont high and what #2 was and that is a PMA which I need to get back today. I try to focus on me, but then I slip and get angry about my circumstances and my W not acting like we have vows and a covenant. She just pisses it away. Yes I pissed away my obligations in many ways for years, but not the ultimate covenant. You can piss on it and defile it and stomp on it all you want, but you can't make it go away. It still exists once you take that vow. No man can separate what God joined together.

Uggg...

Anyways, I am going to force myself to snap out of this and focus again. I was doing good again and then slipped again. Blasted me. It takes time. I have to keep reminding myself to pray with real faith, do not doubt Him and live for him and he will heal all things when it is time.

I just have to keep reminding myself of this and look forward to each day one day at a time and look for the positives of that day and not the negatives.

I have to do what that song by Petra says "Get On Your knees And Fight Like A Man" and then entrust my W to God just like I told Orich. That same advice applies to me.

Kevin