I went over to W's place on Wed night to pick up StepS13 to come hang out with me. Went in to talk about which school the twins should attend this upcoming school year. The discussion then turned to StepS13 and where he should go to school. There's a good school close to my work, so W said that she was thinking that StepS13 should live with me during the week, that way I can help him with homework and stuff. Then I am thinking that if we D, then he will be living with his ex-stepdad??? Does she want that?? Anyways, W talked to his dad for while that day and was relating the discussion. StepS13 has been living up in Maryland with his dad for the past 2 years (was always with us before that) and he wanted to move back with us for this upcoming school year. His dad had previously said that if he had good grades in school, he could choose. Now, he's backing out of that decision and telling W that she's not able to provide a stable home for him right now and therefore he should just stay with him. She says that's not fair and asks me what I think. I tell her that I think our sitch is not ideal for obvious reasons, but there are some problems up at his dad's house too, so it's not ideal there either. And I finished by saying that I'd love to have him here, but I really have no say in this matter, W and his dad need to come to an agreement on that. His dad was going to come visit this summer, but he hasn't done that, so I asked about that and W says that he won't like her apartment for sure, so him visiting to check things out won't help.
I saw an entry into asking her a couple of non-pressuring questions the MC had suggested I ask her (Is she happy now? Did she achieve what she thought to achieve by moving out?). So I ask her if SHE likes her apartment. She says no, but that's all she can afford and it was her decision to leave, and beggars can't be choosers. I followed up on her statement the other day that she hates it around here. She says that yes, she does NOT like living here at all, just doesn't like the people's attitude and would rather move away, but she's not taking the kids away from me, that's the mistake she made with StepS13 and look what a heartbreaking mess that is now! I then ask her if she achieved what she was hoping to achieve by moving out. She started by saying that it did not change her feelings for me, but that the stress between us went away, we started communicating better and she felt better about "us", but then all the financial stress of her own household and the shop increased tenfold and just stressed her out completely. She said she's been taking a break from being in her shop the last 3 weeks and it's like a HUGE weight is off her shoulders. She said that she's just not going to reopen it and concentrate on freelance design jobs instead, which don't require her own building. Said that she knows the people in town will be dissappointed, but that she has to think of herself and the kids needs first (which is what I advised her when she asked me for my opinion a couple of weeks ago, against all the other opinions of her friends in town). She said that she might revisit having her own store later on in life when the kids are out of the house. Then she continued saying that I had become a completely different person, more social then I have ever been, in great shape, working on projects in the house and that it's awesome! And (without me mentioning anything about moving back in) that if she moved back in, it would just all go back to sh!t, she would ruin everything, bring her stress back into my life, etc... (same thing as her email in Feb). Plus, what if I found someone I liked and wanted to have her over, how awkward would that be if your wife ... err, your ex-wife (her words exactly) is upstairs! I tell her that I have no interest in dating right now and she says that I should be dating and be having sex and don't I miss that? I said yes, I do miss that. I did not ask her if she did, but she'll think of that by herself I'm sure. She continued with that I have nothing to worry about because everybody sees her as the bad guy in this sitch anyways. Not sure what I should worry about as far as that's concerned...
So, in short, I am this awesome guy, great father, but she doesn't want to be in the same house. She wants to be just down the street, wherever I move. Maybe closing the shop will be a good thing, allowing her to think about things a bit more because she's been spending all of her efforts and time at the shop for the past 2 years. To me it's clear that she's trying to figure out how she can improve her situation (does it sound like that to you also TG and pearl?). It's also clear to me that she's not really done anything to that effect until about 3 weeks ago. She's also trying to figure out some medical issues with her that have been causing her to not feel good for the last couple of years and when she doesn't feel good she closes up and lets noone in.
Changes are happening, not sure which way, but they are changes...
