As a possible former WAW, I very definitely went through that, and I did hit a point where I was *sure* I didn't love him. I was dumbfounded on the floor when I started feeling all gooey over him again a few months after I left. Here's what I think happened...
If we go through periods of intense, constant hurt, I think we shut down emotionally as a protective mechanism. We feel dead inside, completely numb. We mistake this for not loving/not being in love anymore - but we're wrong. Maybe not everybody - but I know it was true for me. I wasn't out of love. I was just completely shut down and numb.
When the pain and anger subside, when the constant source of pain has been lifted for awhile, the softer feelings make a resurgence - at least for me. I can't tell you how long it will take, and obviously, I can't guarantee it will happen for everyone. In my case, it took somewhere between 2-4 months of being at my mother's place. I left in August, and the glimmers were there by Thanksgiving. By Christmas, they were strong enough that I asked if we could discuss reconciliation (he said No, he was seeing someone by then). I'm pretty sure it could have happened faster under optimal conditions - I'm just not entirely sure what those conditions would have been.
For sure he would have needed to apologize for his PA. (He's never done that.)We were 200 miles apart, so I think more frequent contact *might* have helped, assuming he was in a place emotionally to have the kind of light, positive contact that seems to move the process along. And spending some quality time with me would have helped, too.
Last edited by Dia; 07/24/0903:57 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
