K4D Rising #4

[K4D]

I'm not expecting anything. I am just hoping it "might" plant a seed. Its something that 25 said. It "might". I don't expect any kind of reaction and I am not going to hang around to see if there is one. I'm not looking for an over night seed to grow. I know it takes a long time. I am standing for my M no matter how long it takes.

Doesn't mean I don't get frusturated during the process and think about her. I have my up times and down moments. It was gray this morning on the drive into work and I was just thinking about how I wish she had even a care in the world about our M and family. I was missing being close to her and spending time with her.

Tonight I am going to my divorce support group to a place of entertainment and food. Tomorrow night I will be enjoying another good evening with FaithfulH. Sunday morning will be church and Sunday night I get my kids back. I am going to continue to excercise on the nature trail in that park not to far from here. I am thinking about paying $30 a month and joining LA Fitness so I can lift weights. Does anyone have any opinions one way or the other on that gym? I am also still thinking about buying a bike for additional excercise.

My new testament audio CD's arrived so I can put those on my MP3 player now. My Codependent No More audio book is scheduled to arrive on Monday.

I gotta snap back out of this funk. I have great advice to offer, I just need to make sure I am applying to myself as well. I think it is hard knowing my W has moved on from the fantasy A and is now looking for a real new life. I missed a great opportunity to do things right the first time because I couldn't get past my emotional state. Things could have been better between us now and I blew it. I'm doing things right this time, but it is going to be a really long time it seems and I guess I am just not looking forward to the long journey that awaits me. She is so far removed from me it seems. I see no signs of her looking back at all.

I am still praying. I stopped by the church again yesterday to pray more. The apostles used to go to the church to pray in the bible because it is God's house. I try to do the same.

Kevin