H wants a D so we can date...each other! WTF??!

[Trixi]

If he is willing to work with you to make you feel better, then that would be a good reason to share.

Last night he said to me "If this turns into a war, then we can forget about any future for us." (In counseling, when I could finally manage to string together a fully coherent thought, I had said "You want out? That's just fine. Bring it!" and then he said he didn't want a war.) I told him that I wasn't interested in a war, but I would be getting what was due to me. He agreed and said that maybe he wouldn't be able to pay me any big lumps of cash, but he could pay me over time or when he got his bonuses. I told him that I might need him to sell a car because given the economy, how can I be sure he will always have his current job? Anyway, he had said something about this particular car being an investment that he wanted to sell when he retires. And I said "oh yeah? Well, I had an investment in this family and you're taking it from me--YOU are taking away my future dreams." He disagreed. I said "YOU are taking away "us" going to the kids' weddings together. "Us" babysitting for them. "Us" growing old together. So, if I need you to sell the car so I can feel comfortable, that's how it goes with divorce."

(He did end up offering to give me the car (to store in my garage) and the title, if that would make me more comfortable because then I could know that he hadn't sold it and taken the profit.)

I feel so confused myself. I do NOT want to just "give up". (And any sort of quitting feels like giving up.) BUT, on the other hand, he is never going to change; the way we've been going along hasn't gotten me what I want, so I can see that I really 'should' give up. My logical part is okay with being done and moving forward. My heart says that I can't trust him, even though I still love him. My values say that I made a commitment, and as long as there is breath in me, I need to stand for the marriage.

This might sound stupid, but in a way, I feel like sharing how much this hurts would just be stroking his ego. And then there's my ego that doesn't want to agree with him-- just for the sake of not "giving" him that. I don't want to hear down the line "YOU agreed and said a divorce was a good idea." But honestly, at this juncture given where he is at, I don't see any other solution.