The anger that you are seeing from him can be attributed to YOU getting a life and moving forward. From where he stands now, his life is spiraling downward and your's appears to be heading forward. That is a good thing for you, and at this point....A who cares for him.
It's like I told Hopeful a while ago, the more rope you give, the more they take. The steadier YOU not only appear, but are, the more it confuses them, and makes them analyze their own luggage.
All of that anger and resentment is a result of them not being able to process their own emotions, and yes, they do get very angry at the whole....why are they changing now thing.
This shouldn't affect your actions though. By standing, we represent to them that we still love them deeply, and are willing to make things work. By our ACTIONS, we tell them this daily. If what we say, out of anger FROM us, or frustration, or resentment, or wherever it comes from, doesn't match what we do, then we can appear to be the same old same old to them.
That's what I mean about using that anger as a shield instead of a sword. Anger can be a good thing at times. It is how we CHOOSE to use it that makes the difference.
As a shield ? We can stand back and accept and love a little more each day. Deflect the hurtful statements they use to justify this.
As a sword ? We CHOOSE to not do the work and be the same person that dragged us into this in the first place.
I know I needed to be different as a person to become me again. I had to look deep within me to find what I had lost inside. I had lost my humor, my compassion,and much more before the bomb. What I CHOSE to do with that was to dig deep and find all of things that I had lost.
I took my time to really focus on what I had to do.
What I'm getting at here is that I'm not convinced that you are doing a full LRT.....and even if you wanted to, LRT is often the most misunderstood thing that people talk about here...
I would consider you very dark, but not LRT.
LRT, although it is called a technique, It really isn't...
LRT is more a way of life for the LBS. It is when you can pull the plug, walk away and not look back. When you can talk about this with the same vigor as walking to the mailbox..
There is way too much anger in you for that. And as long as there is anger when you think of everything that has happened, then you are not able to LRT. And you need to be careful if you think you are, cause it will backfire on you and you may actually get what you ask for instead of what you want.
FG, from what I read of eveything, it appears to me that you are not even fully detached, let alone able to LRT. To be fully detached and just live for you and your children, is a HARD thing to do.
Detaching is a state of mind, and becomes very peaceful for you. It is when you can truly do things, not to induce a reaction, but rather regardless of the reaction. Because they are things for you and the well being of you and your children.
It doesn't mean you can't love from that place, just means you love from a distance and give the gift of them finding themselves.
For me ? If that was me ? That is your bed, and this is not your decision to be in this position. If he doesn't like that, then he needs to be the one to make that adjustment.
Sounds like to me that you need to understand the impact of a firm boundry...and implement correctly.
The anger ? Script.
The snooping from HIM ? I think most MLC'ers search, and search hard for something that will relive their guilt. Something to alleviate their hurt, and if YOU are doing those things, then it is okay for them to do those things.
What you may be experiencing is the shift of control happening. His cards are all on the table now, and he is curious about things that you are doing when you are not there. He senses HIS control leaving, and the threat of what is happening is hitting home for him. Him saying hurtful things is no longer a button for him to push to get you to react negativly.
Those are normal things that go on in this process, as long as you are not fake and doing things just as a ploy to "win" him back.
This is one of the reasons why your changes have to be real and have to be for you, so that they become a part of you that is better than it was before.
You are doing well FG, but as a DB'er, now, everyday is a day to wake up and strive to be better....and you can
