Wow, had another deep conversation for a couple hours with H early this morning. Three things are certain: he is depressed, he is looking for something to feel fulfilled but doesn't seem to know what, and his self worth seems to be about 0. MLC. It is sad.
I tried to validate as much as possible and not to put pressure on but may have blown it at times, especially when the conversation turned to the kids. I basically told him he is "losing" them, especially S. I can see their trust in him slowly diminishing since he just isn't there for him. He thought he was "reconnecting" (his word) with them this summer by taking them out once in awhile (it has been maybe once every couple of weeks). But other than that he has spent very little time with them. He then said maybe he would do a better job if he didn't live here. I know, doesn't make any sense at all! I told him (again, probably screamed pressure and guilt though I tried not to make it sound that way) that what they really needed was a daddy who was here, being a daddy.
Hope I didn't push him out the door. He did leave to clear his head but said he would be back.
He also said that he might be able to "communicate better" if he wasn't here. I have no idea what that means.
It is hard to see him in so much turmoil . He can't have any type of remotely deep conversation without getting emotional which is so not like him normally. I wish he would admit he needs help.
