Dating/sex for wife with others - told her I didn't condone it and neither did our marriage therapist, but I knew we are separated in same house and she could do this if she chose.
Wife says "so can you." with a smile on her face.
I said, what will that solve for me? Satisfy a short-term urge, but prevent me from really working on my issues.
Wife pushed for starting to talk about how divide up our property starting at 60 dayes because she wants to get her own apartment at the end of the 90 day in-house separation.
I said I wasn't comfortable with that and therapist told her if she wanted to get an apartment, go back to work full-time she could do those things and there would still be plently of time to negotiate those things hinting at Illinois mandatory 2 year separation before state would grant a divorce unless both people want divorce.
I of course am Divorce Busting and while I didn't say that I did say that just as Wife has made her position clear that she's 99% sure, I am of the opposite opinion.
My brotherinlaw agrees don't make it easy for her. If she wants to move out don't let her take apart our house with furniture, etc. What are everyone's thoughts on that?
It's wierd because she is willing to and offer to give long warm hugs morning and night time. Wife says this morning this is not easy on her either and she was also up at 6:30 not able to sleep.
Our 9 year old crawled into bed with her in her new room and I gave her a look - when she said what? I said, yeah - I would like to do that with a smile. She smiled and said well, it's different now.
We both acknowledged our differnt perspectives. She's 99% sure she wants a divorce and I'm holding on to my 1% hope. I said I know we have to go through our individual issues, but just can't help but feel that we could work together after that.
She said, "I'm not saying anything." with a little smile and really big twinkles like twinkles I have not seen in her eyes for years and then she gives me a gentle touch on my leg and face with her hand. Then on her way out to get a haircut she gives me a nice hug.
I'm taking this weekend to get out by myself and process this since she will be with her girlfriend next weekend. She's totally fine with that. Says have fun, it's OK be safe with a smile.
Man...I swear if I didn't know what we are going through anyone observing this would say we're in love...
Please give me your thoughts... Jim B
BACKGROUND: Went to the therapist yesterday with Wife. We discussed how to tell daughter 9 mommy would be sleeping in another room. Decided daughter 6 probably couldn't process this at the level of "mom and dad are trying to work through some issues." So daughter 6 will just be told mommy will be in your room for awhile which she will like. Our daughters sleep in the guest room already together so that's not disruptive.
We discussed Wife's desire to date others and even sleep with them if she wants to at their place because we are in our home together in separate rooms.
Marriage therapist says she doesn't recommend that because it doesn't allow you to focus on your issues if you get involved with another person. Wife says she knows she needs to work on her issues before she can really be in a relationship with me or anyone, BUT...I see the twinkle in her eye which I have seen before when she's looking forward to something.
Like she knows she shouldn't but it would feel good just for fun and to take her mind off things even though it would just be casual dating and/or sex.
I made the mistake of saying that a week before she detonated her nuclear bomb I told my brother-in-law while I didn't want it to threaten our marriage, if she wanted to go do someone to get it out of her system - OK. Marriage therapist looked at me funny when I said this, and I'm wondering am I crazy to have thought that?
Wife pushed for saying she was 99% sure she wanted a divorce, but didn't want it be contentious and wanted to discuss who gets what at 60 days which I didn't agree to so it went back to 90 days.
