SD...in the beginning, I teetered between 'curiosity' and the DB posters' recommendations of 'not going down cheeseless tunnels'.

I lean towards curiosity. Dr. Phil said in his book Relationship Rescue that you 'own your marriage'. Sadly, in my own M, 'curiosity' got me answers to questions I was afraid to ask, but, painted a VERY CLEAR picture of what was going on. I don't regret that.

Once people get the endorphin feelings of the OP, the recidivism rate is high. That is the infidelity penalty we pay...trust. Nearly all books on infidelity will tell you that it requires more work on their part to undo this and rebuild the trust. BIG WORK.

Anyway, I think you did a fine job defining your borders. I mean, really, who wants to be continually hurt? I didn't. As time goes on, like most things, the hurtful episodes become more dim and, from time to time, I question myself...on whether I did the right thing. But...trust was never restored...and living right now....like you have been recently...is not healthy emotionally.

Curiosity and boundary enforcement...is the RIGHT thing right now, lest you live the rest of your life with H looking, snooping, hurting, wondering.......

FIB
(there is always this as a last resort)

PS..your book arrived and I am reading it.

Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;