I trusted her in saying she was done with the EA. I needed to do that so we could move on. I belIeve she ended it finnaly.
Based on what??
It seems to me that you have had very VALID concerns about her fidelity, but all she needs to do is push your button with the "controlling" accusation, and then she gets the desired response from you -- you back off.
Did she ever accuse you of being "controlling" earlier in your marriage, before her affair? Do YOU think you were controlling before?
"Trust" is an extremely valuable, precious commodity, that shouldn't just be handed out as some form of unilateral appeasement. It must be EARNED, and from your description of your wife's history, and her current behavior, she hasn't earned it.
