Thanks Cat. So good to hear from someone who`s been through a similar war.I`m ignoring the underpants. H is at a point where he`s trying to annoy me-blocking my cell phone f`rinstance, leaving his dirty socks on my dressing table, I just ignore it.
And last night he sprawled all over `my` bed(he sleeps in the guestroom) and told me to "go sleep on the floor like you siad you would". I just looked at him right through his eyes, gently, dropped my jeans and got into bed beside him. Said nothing. He left, disgusted. This is probably the fifth time we`ve had the "you go sleep downstairs" routine. I did offer to sleep on the floor but he had said then "I won`t have you doing that" I`ve made it very clear that he`s welcome to sleep in the bed-and he has when guests have been here or when he comes up for a nap on his own.
After he left, I got up to brush my teeth and he came back into the room. Fists closed.Closed fists are a sure sign of his anger-not that I even needed to see that to know that my Alien was at full throttle."Wots up" he said "I`m just getting ready for bed"I said. Then I looked at him again, in the eyes."H I really hate to see you burning yourself up with all this anger" "No you don`t"he said"I do" I kept my tone gentle-not afraid/not angry"You`re the cause of all of this" he said I didn`t reply. I just looked at him and he left the room.
So much anger. So much blame. I feel we`re getting nowhere very fast.
I`m glad Cat, that you found something to do differently in your sitch yesterday. It can be so easy to make a new pattern and fall into it so that our H`s know what to expect from us again. I`m trying to stay out of that. I feel H came up to me last night, fulling expecting a row.That then becomes his moment of triumph"look at you now. See how mad you get. Always putting me down" so I don`t do that. Looking into his eyes is my way of reaching for Old H who`s hiding in there somewhere.
S14 told me yesterday that they were not going to H`s homeplace this week end. There`s an annual event on there that H has never missed. My guess is that MIL told him not to come without me. Its a little more than a guess, one of my BIL`s told me a few weeks ago that she had threatened to tell H not to come if he doesn`t bring me. I felt like telling H to defy her on that one. She can`t be making decisions for him. But then I can`t either! and I`m not going to control, or even ask him what happened. I hope just to find some way of coping with his anger over the w`end.
Dia, one of my difficulties is having the pity party. I just hate to lie around wracked by sobs. i hate to feel the pain. I do find I`m loving music even more. Just when you`re in the painful place you senses are just so acute, I can feel every note. So I keep my tears behind sunglasses when I`m listeing to music and on the road.
Yeah, he`s a big hurt boy. I`ve said it for years to him, he comes to two forms -Spaniel, all sad droopy eyes, woe is me mode and Rottweiller, full of anger. When the Rottweiller is out you`ve to be very careful how you poke about.
But, hey, I actually had a great day yesterday.Especially glad that I got two new albums, got lots done with the kids, had fun too!Pretty much hit on all my GAL goals(lucky to be on eight weeks hols at the moment too!).
