I know my responses are always short and don't have the great insight that others have on this site, but know that I and others on this site are thinking and praying for you and sending some positive vibes your way.
You have been through a very difficult journey over the past few months and will have a few more rough days ahead, but, know that you are strong wonderful person and if you take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time, you can make it through this very bumpy road that you are on right now.
