Divorce not busted 2

[Kettricken]

Yeah, whatever, I still think it's totally asinine to post to a thread you only *partly* read in a community you're unfamiliar with and start slinging around a lot of overgeneralizations about "you guys/you men/etc".

Of *course* not all WAS are involved with someone else. Duh. *Personally* what triggered my "huh, wonder if there's someone else" radar in *this* case was all the stuff about "TRUE LOVE" in the letter, coupled with her age and general expressed desire to kick over the traces and seize happiness before its too late AND the fact that she's in regular contact with "an old friend" who is "helping her through this". Like it or don't, that IS pretty much script, so it's not out of line to at least *wonder*.

As far as the rest goes, Orich, it just irks me to hear you blame yourself. Not saying you're without fault -- no one is -- but c'mon. Any spouse, male or female, who didn't -- as soon as they realized it was a love-wrecking problem for them -- sit their mate down and say "This is a real problem that is threatening my love for you and our marriage" in *very clear and understandable* words of one syllable has no rational room for complaint. Whatever they felt they were "driven to" in their disaffection and frustration is fully on their own head. It's easier to have an affair/completely wall out the offending spouse/deny their children an upbringing with both parents in the same home/FITB than it is to preemptively lay it all on the line like an adult? Is it really????

And I say that as a wife who put her marriage at risk for very similar reasons .... inability to communicate my needs honestly to either myself OR my husband. It was fully crappy and infantile on my part -- done without bad motive or even comprehension, true -- but I don't see any reason to whitewash it, either, and am not inclined to rationalize it for anyone else.

I have no personal experience with Retro, but everyone seems to have learned a lot about communication from the experience, which would seem to stand you in good stead as co-parents, if nothing else.