totally messed things up!!

[K4D]

When she calls, don't answer. Wait for a day or 2 and then call her back. In other words if you feel the way you do and it is actually probably good at this point, then become unavailable to her. But do not react negatively towards her. Always be cheerful and simply say if she asks for something that you are sorry but you have other things that you have to attend to right now and leave it at that. DB.

And it is not over just because OM is involved. That has to run its course. In the mean time, you can be working on you so you are that much more attractive once the fantasy ends with OM.

Try DBing first before you just tell your kids you tried. You are heroic in your efforts to be a good H to her. I commend you for that. But these are circumstances where the S that walks away has to learn the harsh reality some times of their choices. In this case it would involve you not being available right away unless it has to do with the kids or a real life true emergency.

Read Codependent No More. It has been suggested to me so I orderd the audio version since I hate to read books. I'd rather listen to it on CD.

This is no where near over. Don't give up. Did you ever read the story of the prodigal son in the bible? Sometimes they have to learn the hard way before they come back. Leave the door open and the path back smooth. Love your W like you are expected to but don't let her use you while she enjoys this fantasy. Make her earn the fantasy all on her own. Let her experience the problems that come with the fantasy and see if she really wants that. Its part of tough love and DBing.

Get out and enjoy yourself. What are you doing that is fun for you? Are you getting a life? Are you working out and making yourself more attractive? Do you know who you are? Are you comfortable with yourself? How is your faith? Do you talk and walk with God? Do you pray? What part does that play in your life?

Kevin