Just so you know...

[bluerain]

Your right, I say that all the time, "Its not math!" And really, I dont think that I screwed up last time, I do wonder if he pulled away because of something that I did, but I wont ever know that, and I know that beating myself up over it isnt going to help.

I do really hope that we can pull it together this time. But I just dont know.

[mdoodles]

did u get a haircut?

[bluerain]

I did, and it looks great! I need to update my myspace picture!

[kassie]

Either way - if you did something or didn't do something right - a normal healthy partner would have come to you to talk. The fact that he took other action tells you what has to change.

I say this to give you some perspective. Walking away or having an A or whatever, is not a normal response to marital problems. Work on building communication. Stop taking responsibility for what belongs to your H and just work on your responsibility to encourage, support and facilitate a healthy relationship.

So, is getting your hair cut part of GAL'ing?

[bluerain]

Ive thought about that alot Kassie, you are absolutely right. He needed to tell me he was unhappy, not find someone else. I guess my haircut was about GALing, Ive needed one for a while, and with all thats happened lately, I needed to do something to make myself feel good. I guess maybe I dont know how to quite separate the responsibility.

I really wanted to talk to H today, but I didnt make any contact. It was nice to spend the day with my mom, unfortunately because I took the 1st part of the day off, I didnt get done till 9pm tonight. But its kind of nice to be all worn out.

[kassie]

Hold onto your perspective and I didn't notice your goals have you set any? or did I miss them?

Good for you that you found something else to keep you busy and take care of yourself. Months ago, I did a lot busy work to get through the interim period. I actually made new friends, and found ways to reinforce the things I like about myself. That way I held my perspective of things so that when H wanted to reconnect I was more certain of what would work and what wouldn't work.

[bluerain]

I had goals last summer, I guess I havent really set any recently. I dont even know what I would set as a goal. Had a super lame day, so Im not in much of a goal setting mood right this second, maybe tomorrow.

Talked to H a little today, about nothing really, just chatted. He initiated the contact and we talked for a little while. Since he said he was having doubts he hasnt mentioned trying again. Im not going to bring it up, but Im not sure if he will either. I was having a terrible day, so it was nice to talk to him, I was careful to not tell him about all the crap that went down today though. It helped my mood out just to talk to him.

Ive been reading the Sex starved marriage, I wish that I could get H to read it. I also got my Hope for the Seperated copy. I havent started to read the 2nd book yet, but Im excited about it.

[bluerain]

Today was a much better day! I had a little trouble maintaining my PMA but as soon as I started to get a little down I would stop myself. It worked pretty well.

I got a note today from the power company saying that H's acct had a 252.11 credit, and the next peice of mail was a collection notice for the electric company in H's name for 214.81. I dont get that at all! I hate my electric company. I had to open a new acct because my name wasnt on the old one, they wouldnt tell me how much was owed, or if there was a balance! grr.

I had to tell H of course. Ugh. I hate to bring up these negative things. I feel like it puts even more distance between us. Although tonite seemed to go just fine.

[bluerain]

K, so I was thinking, about 6 years ago H was pestering me pretty regularly about my weight. I had gained weight since we first got together. I worked at a pool with a gym as a lifeguard, so I did get a lot of exercise, but that doesnt matter... I remember one night when it came to a head, he had been at it again and I stormed out of the room, came back in and said to him, maybe yelled a little, that "I will never be good enough for you, will I?"

I wonder if it had to do with him keeping quiet when something bothered him, sort of like the boiled frog idea. Do you think that I should tell him that I realized this, and apologize for it? I dont think that right now is an appropriate time to bring it up, but should it be something that I keep in mind?

[mdoodles]

its hard to say if that was the cause but it cant hurt to keep it in mind for the future, if and when u do have a r talk.

i have apologized to h for different things i felt might have contributed to our problems. i did it in email form and im happy that i did, it lifted a weight off my chest. but timing is everything. i did it at a good time in our attempted reconciling period.

its all about timing.