Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[BigJohn]

There was a word you used that jumped out to me that said you did not need to go there to try to be her "knight" was when you said.....disgust. If that describes your W's feelings toward you, then I say you need to stay as far away from her as you possibly can. Disgust is not a good thing for a woman to feel about her H. That means she is very, very turned off by ANYTHING he does. So save your self-respect and not go there in August b/c whatever you do to interfer......I think it would only result in her pressing closer to the OM. Perhaps the men see it differently, but that is how I'm seeing it from the W's POV. When you used that adjective to describe her.....that told me all I needed to know.

Sandi,

This phone call was the only time where my W was what I would call "disgusted" with me- mildly disgusted at that. There have been two other times during our sitch where my W has actually been openly angry with me, one time during an R talk when she felt I was coming on strong during the conversation (looking back I was) and another time when I was openly ridiculing OM- she actually called me an a$$hole- something my W has never done to me before.

I'm really vacillating between doing something and nothing in regards to the August trip. Right now the benefits I see to crashing the trip include putting a damper on any potential sexual contact between my W and OM if not "busting" the A altogether, showing up at chicken$h*t OM's house for a surprise visit and surprising my kids- not to mention my W- with a visit from Dad. On the other hand, the drawbacks could include pushing my W closer to OM or not allowing her sufficient opportunity to perhaps "see" OM for what he really is (chance of that happening slim to none) along with negatively impacting either my self-respect.... something that I am giving increasing consideration to.

BTW, I may have mentioned in a prior post that it appears that it is my W who is pursuing OM more aggressively than the other way around. Don't know if that might make a difference in whether I should stay or go.