Divorce busted before, now on fast track to Big D

[Berewick21]

So I have been in tune with the DB boards for a long time, lurking, reading, learning, and at one point succeeding or so I thought. Yes I have read DB & DR, but need to again though.

So here's my story....it's a long one.

Met H as a girl in Germany. I would see him on base playing ball and that was it. Feb '01 we meet as adults at a reunion party. We fall head over heels for eachother.

Move in together for a year with my then 6 yr old daughter, things are great, then he isn't sure he wants to be a father. So I leave and move to TX. 2 wks after leaving he misses us and wants us back. Asks my father for my hand and me to marry him Feb.'04. We are planning a Oct.'04 wedding. I am ready to move to NC and then I start getting harassed by a female.

It all comes out that he had a sexual relationship with this female. I say forget the marriage. H begs, pleads for me to move forward. I go ahead and move to NC. Girl is still harassing us with threats, flowers, etc. Police are involved but she is relentless.

We marry and I feel good or so I thought. I love him but I don't trust him. He stays home most of the time, calls when he is late, says ILY and does all the right things, but I can't shake this thing. Girl is still harassing me by phone at work. Sex life is good, but not like it was. Hard for me to give myself fully because I was hurt.

Life seems to be going well. We buy a house, new car, vacations, etc. Daughter and him getting along quite well.

Fast Forward to 2nd PA. H begins to act distant after getting new job. Drops the D bomb one morning, I'm devastated. I beg, plead, cry, but H says he just doesn't want to be married. I start snooping and figure out he is seeing a woman at work. I confront, he admits, and then says he wants marriage. For 1 week we stayed home together and tried to work on it.

I find out, EA still going on, I tell him to leave. He gets fired because of relationship and moves 3 hrs away to his parents. House is put up for sale. Comes home to cut grass on wknds and of course attemps sex, I refuse. He is gone for 1 month, I am DB'ing, acting as if, and he wants to come home.He writes no contact letter, talks with my father and agrees to transparency.

H comes home June '08, brings heartfelt card, puts ring back on my finger, etc. We are trying. I am reading, DB'ing, going on dates together and it feels good. He's sending me notes, compliments and being loving. We are communicating better everyday.

April 09, the last time he says ILY to me, stops touching me except for sex. I call him on it and he says he is struggling with the relationship but nothing more, says he is going to try. I continue to feel the distance and say when the house
sells we will need to make some big decisions.

Seems like a weight is lifted off his shoulders. Starts showing me affection again. I am concerned. Then H asks if we should consider seeing other people...this blew me away. I already feel there is someone else, so I snoop. Find out he's being extra friendly with a girl at new job on FB. I call him and tell him I'm done on June 26. I was mad.

He unfriends me on FB right away and says he's moving out Aug 1. Since this time he has still rubbed my feet, brought me lunch, invited me to friends get togethers, initiated sex, etc. I ask him to go to counseling, which he agrees. 1st session goes okay, we talk afterwards but he is still wanting D. We are still sleeping in the same bed.

Weds. was our 2nd appt. He states the hurt is too deep, he feels so guilty and can't get over it, so he needs to let me go. He wants a divorce and yes he is interested in someone else but has not done anything. Last night he apologized for hurting me and slept in our guest room. So here we are.

I'm a mess. Angry, disappointed but still love my H. H is a people pleaser so he is a very nice guy to me and everyone else. Has only told a few people that I know of. His parents know and they are very disappointed (M 30+yrs). He's packing. Already signed a lease. He still lets me know he will be late getting home, and calls me for random things.

I'm still acting as if, GALing, and crying when he is not around. I don't know what to do. I don't think he will come around again since we've been here before.

Whew...well that's all for now. Felt good to get it out. I would love anyone's thoughts on my sitch.