Looking for advice from the more experienced users here:

Over the last 17 years, I became very close to my in-laws, both my W's parents as well as her 6 siblings. I have always considered this to be an incredible blessing, all the more so because we are a gay couple, and they are a very Catholic family in a small southern Indiana town. They have always been very warm, welcoming & loving to me and much of my sadness over the sitch with my W is that I am losing such a wonderful family.

Soon after I became aware of the A, I spoke to them on the phone (on MIL's birthday), and my MIL was very distraught over our situation. I am concerned that in my W's guilt over the A and re-writing our marriage history to justify her actions, that she has since been villainizing me to her parents.

I have been thinking of writing her parents a letter, explaining that in spite of W's actions, ongoing A, and apparently our impending D, I still love their daughter and want our marriage to survive. One reason why I would choose to write rather than call them on the phone- I don't want them to feel that they need to defend her to me (although what she has been doing is pretty indefensible). I don't want them to intervene in any way, or feel that they need to choose sides; I just want them to know where I stand.

Thoughts? Good idea? Bad idea?

Last edited by Arwen_in_NJ; 07/23/09 07:36 PM.
Me: 50; Wife: 48
Gay; civil union in NJ
no kids
M: 15 years, together 17
Bomb (OW) 2/09 (EA 3mos/PA 3mos) ILYBINILWY
W out of house, w/OW, in separation talks, nothing filed