Coach - it's second and long. What's our next play?? I always like to chip away at the yardage and make third down more reasonable. You??
Right now we don't worry about the first down but we will play for field position right now. No turnovers - don't respond, get into R talks or discuss the kids, the house or legal matters. You just got sacked and the wind knocked out of you. Take care of yourself - use your support network, pray, exercise etc. Still early in the game. You can handle it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Right now we don't worry about the first down but we will play for field position right now. No turnovers - don't respond, get into R talks or discuss the kids, the house or legal matters. You just got sacked and the wind knocked out of you. Take care of yourself - use your support network, pray, exercise etc. Still early in the game. You can handle it.
Oh it's definitely early in the game - good call. We'll take a conservative approach. It keeps you in the game, keeps time on your side.
After getting sacked - I always liked to show the other team that I can take a lot more than that and they didn't break me- be confident, act as if, do your thing, always in a good mood, concentrate on fun things with the kids.
Go get `em Orich.
Strength and Honor.
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
Orich, ...I just wanted to explain how I am feeling....I really just don’t feel anything anymore for you in that kind of way...They made me see that life can end in an instant-and we must follow our heart. ...You and other people may call me selfish and any other names, but I can’t believe that me telling the truth and acting on how I feel is wrong. The kids would know eventually when they grow up and maybe think it is ok to stay with something that is not in your heart if we stuck it out...I know you wouldn’t want me to fake my feelings for you and just go on for the kids....But how can I teach them about truth and honesty and good will and the love of God when I am lying to myself about how I feel in my marriage....And to stay together would not promote a positive environment for anyone....But it’s not about me and you anymore, it’s about the kids....I am praying for you and for myself and the kids and everyone affected by me following my heart.
W.
Orich,
I wanted to highlight the parts of your W's letter that I believe point directly at the problem. She is under the mistaken impression that following her "FEELINGS" (or heart) will lead her to happiness. This is the biggest lie in the world! She needs to pick up her bible and read about how our hearts are deceptive! I feel like going home from work and taking a big nap...my boss might not like that. If I followed my feelings, I would have filed for D thousands of times in my 29 year marriage. What a bunch of BS...that this is not about you and her but about the kids! I cannot believe how many WAS' believe that!
Quote:
Psalm 12 1 Help, O Lord, for the godly are fast disappearing! The faithful have vanished from the earth! 2 Neighbors lie to each other, speaking with flattering lips and deceitful hearts.
Orich, What I (and others) wrote you last night and this morning still stands no matter how your sitch changes. You MUST be strong, focus on you and the kids. Also, do NOT under any circumstances leave your home. Let her do the heavy lifting if she wants to start involving mediators and lawyers.
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
What a bunch of BS...that this is not about you and her but about the kids! I cannot believe how many WAS' believe that!
I realize I might not have been very clear with this point. The lie is....the kids will be better off after D. The lie is...I'm not doing this for ME, I'm doing it for THEM.
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
I can break down so many things that are wrong with the worldly beliefs in that letter. But the fact is, I don't have time to do it at work. But FaithfulH is right. Feelings and the heart lead you away from what is right. The true person does not follow their heart. They follow what is right. You aren't always in love with your S. It takes work. Sometimes you don't think you feel anything. They are phases. Love takes work. It isn't just a romantic feeling for the rest of your life. So many WAS's believe it should be and they will always be disapointed because of that belief. At times it is romantic and at other times you have to work at it. It is part of growing as a couple together and remembering your vows.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Like in the Love Dare book. You LEAD your heart. You do not let it lead you. Your heart will only lead you into trouble. You must lead it.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Right now we don't worry about the first down but we will play for field position right now. No turnovers - don't respond, get into R talks or discuss the kids, the house or legal matters. You just got sacked and the wind knocked out of you. Take care of yourself - use your support network, pray, exercise etc. Still early in the game. You can handle it.
Oh it's definitely early in the game - good call. We'll take a conservative approach. It keeps you in the game, keeps time on your side.
After getting sacked - I always liked to show the other team that I can take a lot more than that and they didn't break me- be confident, act as if, do your thing, always in a good mood, concentrate on fun things with the kids.
Go get `em Orich.
Strength and Honor.
When do really HAWT, scantily-clad cheerleaders enter the gameplan, Coach??
EVERYTHING in your letter is almost word for word what my W told me as well. (well, except for the part about living on the street with her father, but EVERYTHING else. )
Her lack of feelings
Her belief that our children would be better off after a D.
Her statement that it just happened
Her vehement belief in "true love", and the fact that it "just happens". Her belief that if it were true love then it would never have faded.
Her statements that she was worried about you
All of it.
So please, don't take it personally. It is not a reflection on you. It does not invalidate your whole marriage or make your years of happiness a lie. Please take it exactly for what it is - a statement of her status as walking away from the R - the same statement that we have all gotten. It is all about her, not about you.
In my case, my W also claimed (first) that there was no OM, and then when I busted her on the EA, she denied vehemently that the EA had anything to do with her feelings about our R. We have been though several cycles of her claiming no EA, EA ended, Over, etc, each followed by me uncovering it again. I hate to add to your discomfort, or make you fear something that might not be true, but you really need to be realistic about the chances of an A.
Puppy and others gave me some really good advice about how to manage while my W was in an active EA. Listen to them.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
