Jeff, Thanks for stopping by my thread. Useful to have someone who`s BTDT and I`m especially interested in seeing how people do after separation as I seem to be edging closer to it.
Can I ask how your kids are doing? Are they with you or W? I`m really anxious about that part of things for us if we do split. I`m equally anxious for them if they think what they`re living with now is how two adults behave in a loving relationship.
Glad to see you`re having fun. You don`t seem the type to be too lonely for too long!
Hope that Arizona heat isn`t driving you crazy though!
(((((Fallgirl))))) You can ask anything! And I will usually try to answer!
The kids... The older two hardly reacted. They knew it was coming, and they are still doing what they do. S19 has been a bit difficult this summer, W thinks our sitch has something to do with it, but I don't think so, really. I think it had started before, and is is more to do with his being 19, and trying to spread his wings after his first year away at college. But, he is kinda lazy, and he crashes into things when he tries to spread his wings.
The younger two have handled things really well. S14 has said a couple of times that it is a "mutually beneficial separation. Mom lives closer to work, and you don't get yelled at." Which seems to me to show how much the yelling, etc. was bothering him before.
S11 is his usual charming self. He doesn't seem to be really bothered at all. I think that the kids knew it was coming. It's not like they couldn't see and hear.
From the day we told them that we were splitting up, I have felt like everyone has been able to breath better, and doesn't have the fear that they are going to be the one to say or do something that sets mom off. The kids have to figure out how to deal with us seperately, but so far, I'd say they are doing really well.
I am having fun. I don't know how long I will be alone, but I am going to try not to be lonely!
And it is pretty bloody hot. It was 109F (43C) here Sunday, which was a record for the day. It's been over 100 (38) for the past 16 days, but I don't know if it is going to make it today. I will say, it really is a dry heat... it isn't as bad as the hot, humid weather in other places! Though 109 is hot, no matter what!
The kids are mostly with W. I'll have them most weekends. We are still working out the details. Trying to split up the school week really wouldn't work, school transportation would get to be a real pain. So far it seems to be working.
Telling the kids is the bit I`m really stuck on. Not like they haven`t suspected anything already S11 has already asked `does Dad love you anymore` `are you and dad getting a divorce`
I don`t think I want us to separate but if that`s what H wants I`ll accept it. Reading your post gives me hope that my kids too will be able to accept us being split up.
Breaks my heart right now but then just about everything does!
Your kids sound like my kids as far as handling things. It's amazing isn't it. Guess that's what they mean when they say kids are resilient.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Yesterday was only an even 100! It doesn't feel as warm today, we will see! It might depend on when the storms pop up. It's warmer in Phoenix, I'm glad I'm not up there!
The kids are doing good. I think it is a combination of a few things. One is the resilience they certainly have. Andother it is that I think a kids reaction to things will often mirror their parents, so if either W or I were wallowing, I wouldn't be surprised to see the kids wallow along! And, I think that the situation we were living in was bad.... this might not be ideal, but I think it is better.
How am I doing? Pretty good mostly. A little stressed over money, but that's the way things will be for a few years. If things play out right, I'll end up ok, it's just the getting there that's tough.
We finally got a break in our triple digit temps! It was only 95 yesterday. It's funny how 10 degrees makes such a big difference. It felt great! It wasn't even hot enough to get me in the pool! Lol.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
((((Jeffy Poo))) Just wanted to catch up w/ you. Seems like you are doing well. I just did a paper for one of my classes about children and divorce, and it states that although most children do better with a household intact, it is sometimes one of the unhealthiest things you can do to your kids. It seems like you are handling this very well...
Being in Virginia now I kind of miss monsoon season. But not enough. I like the green too much
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
It's funny how 10 degrees makes such a big difference. It felt great! It wasn't even hot enough to get me in the pool! Lol.