Well, that's it. Just spoke to W. She is not going to Retro. She has now told her whole family. They are supporting her moving on. She is going to contact a mediator. She wrote me a letter that she is going to send me tomorrow. That's it. She is done. Everytime I had some hope, including when she initially agreed to retro, she only did because she felt bad for me. She never had anything in her heart other than to leave. Needless to say, I am beyond devastated. I didn't know what to say while she was telling me this stuff, so I just stayed pretty quiet. I really don't know what to do. There was never any hope. She told me she is happy whenever I am not around, and when I am, she is unhappy. It's really over. 12 years of my life with my beautiful bride are gone behind me. I've lost her. Fellow DBers, please help me through this.
Orich - I'm not going to sugarcoat this. It sucks...completely. There are so many people here that have had the identical conversation. Guess what?? You will get through this whether your M survives or not. You love your W, are an amazing H, dad and person. She does not have the capacity to see that right now. Maybe one day she will, plan on it not happening. Worst case scenario - if you D - there is a life out there for you. So know that now. How you handle what is coming up is important. It's time to really dig deep and find yourself. Step out of character if you have to. Be incredibly strong about this - blow her away!! You can do that.
There is a natural course of emotions that go along with this. Let them happen - keep them from her. Be strong and confident in front of her. She clearly needs space now anyway. So give it to her.
I'm telling you, you can handle this. It is extremely difficult, but you can handle it. Make a plan for yourself right now about your interactions with her. Decide that every time around her you will be that strong confident guy. For me, it was repeating Strength and Honor to myself. Find what works for you.
She also may flip flop on this decision a few times. Go with the flow - no skin off your back.
But please keep the emotion away from her. She will be questioning her decision many times coming up - don't give her justification for it. It's time for you to step out of your shell.
BTW - Thinker's post above is incredible!
Strength and Honor.
Last edited by mulesqb; 07/23/0904:20 PM.
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
