Just Keep Livin' #3

[SavingMyMarriage]

Hi JKL,

I've been away from these forums for a while, and just read most of your posts.

I'm probably not the best person to give advice or feedback (since it's been difficult to ctrl my emothions), but I'm slowly learning what to do the hard way. Here's my 2 cents for what it's worth.

I think it's good that you can make your W laugh and that she is receptive to your compliments. Most of the time when I give my W compliments, she thinks they're insincere. If I say, that shirt looks good on you -- the pink color looks good with your skin tone, she quietly says thx w/o looking at me. Or, if I say those pants look good on you, she'll say, ok, great, thx and sometimes she won't respond at all (maybe w/ an "ok").

Jody, the DB coach said the same thing -- give specific descriptive compliments. She suggested that I say them before we part so that she doesn't get an opportunity to say thx or feel obligated to respond. Most of the time this didn't work well for me, but that's because my W wasn't receptive to it (her mind was some place else). Jody also suggested using words that I don't usually use (step out of my comfort zone), since I did a very poor job of noticing her and giving her compliments. It's sounds a little weird, but she suggested saying something like, that blouse looks stunning on you... I'm a little conservative so it was difficult to make a jump like that...

As for the scratching her back or any type of physical touching, my W is hot and cold too. Up until the end of March she was semi receptive to it. I've stopped the physcial contact in early April, so now if I put my hand on her shoulder, she wants me to remove it. Now I just touch her back lightly to show I care. She seems okay with that. So, I understand where you are coming from, but it seems that you have something good here. My situation is a little different since my W is having an affair and is in deep love w/ OM. Sometimes I can make her laugh or she'll be receptive to a compliment -- it's not that often though...

Anyway, my point of this post is that it appears you have some good things going for you and I would encourage you NOT to give up.