She doesn't even like me. She told me she is very happy as long as I am not around.
Orich,
I hear the same things. I see the same things.
It absolutely part of the script, and It will absolutely drive you crazy.
Don't let it.
First the bad news: Your W really does feel that way. She really does not think you are friends, she really is happier when you are not around. This is her reality, and to her it is real.
But now the Good news: You can't take it personally. She is unhappier when you are around because she is making herself unhappy when you are around. She does not feel you are friends because this is her reality. It is not your fault. This is not about you. It does not have to make you miserable and depressed. You can separate your reality - your thoughts, and beliefs about yourself and the world - from hers. It helps you get off the roller coaster.
If you haven't read "The 4 Agreements", then get a copy and read it.
Be Impeccable with your word
Don't take anything personally
Don't make assumptions
Always do your best
I feel that you are taking her views on you and your situation very personally. You are starting to make her view on the R yours. You are making assumptions about what she is thinking and where the R is going. You are violating the last 3 points given above.
Your reality is that you are strong, self confident, loving. You take care of yourself and your family. You have fun and lead a balanced life.
Make sure you are living that reality. Take your focus off of your W and put it back on you.
I know what you are going through, I really do. I have struggled in the past few weeks to get my focus back on myself. Whenever ones spouse does or says something painful or hurtful, it tends to pull our focus off of ourselves and back onto them.
Take a real look at yourself, your sitch, your life. Look at the worst case scenario - Divorce? Look at it and realize that even in this case, you will be OK. You will have a happy life. You will be a great Dad to your kids. You will love and be loved.
Once you realize that, really realize that, then you can focus on yourself again.
Sorry I am rambling a bit - still haven't had enough coffee yet.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
