"And allowing his mother to solely dictate the terms by which his father can parent him will cost him far more.
You think it's pointless. I'd say you haven't considered all the stakes. Her "game" is to wean the children out of having a father with an active role in their lives. She wants full and absolute control of our children's lives. She would have me be nothing more than the "wallet".
This isn't just about legalities, this is about right and wrong. It is about understanding that it takes both parents to properly raise a child -- I don't cotton to this fallacy that fathers are irrelevant."
Wow -- where is this coming from? Who said that fathers are irrelevant??? My interest is in getting you to a place where you can do the most effective fathering possible. The best way to do this is for you to get the best custody agreement possible. Working on the agreement in a productive, business-only manner and not engaging in these side-battles over time that is currently "hers" will help you get there.
Who said anything about XW gaining "full and absolute" control of your kid's lives? She had custody of the kids that night and chose not to share it. Period. Would it have been nice for her to share it or let you have the time? Sure. But when you are D, your X doesn't have to be nice. Battling about it will not help.
I admire you not engaging in tit-for-tat with respect to her latest move. And, even moreso for not calling her on her switcheroo. She would no doubt have some rationale (like scouting is optional, school is essential, or something...). And, then the challenge would go nowhere except downhill. So, you did the brilliant thing -- ask the factual question, "Is it acceptable for me to come?" with a simple, straightforward answer, "Yes." (And, FWIW, that kind of direct, simple, non-battling, non-emotional response is far more likely to get her to start looking at her own inconsistency than anything you could say to her....) So, great, great job with that.
