I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

feeling very tired this morning and agaiiiiin, stomach knots. when will those go away? its been 6 weeks of stomach knots and anxiety EVERY SINGLE MORNING. its the most uncomfortable, annoying feeling in the world. i'd take physical pain over it any day.

had a dream about fish. i had 4 fish that my H put in 2 separate tanks and i had to clean them out and the entire dream was about me cleaning out the tank while he watched. talk about weird. what does that represent? maybe it represents my desire for him to WANT to be in my life even during the boring times! maybe. who knows.

starting my fourth day of NC. i know today will be easier because i have a lot of work to do, and it will literally take me up until midnight to finish, without any distractions except to come and get my frustrations out here should the need arise.

tomorrow, i have another IC appt with the prescriber, going to tell her about the whole diarrhea fiasco and she what she thinks. i might need to pay a visit to the doctor if its not normal. we'll see, fingers crossed that everything will be ok.

on saturday, my friends and i are going to Martha's Vineyard! I haven't been there before even though i've always wanted to. I love taking ferries so thats gonna be great. we're going to take in the scenery, hire some bikes, have lunch, meet some locals, just enjoy it in general. it's going to rain and thunder on that day though so i told my friend who planned the trip and she said, "wouldnt it be magical to dance in the rain?" and i said yes. its the most wonderful, liberating experiences ever. When I was in Sligo, it started to rain and everyone ran for cover except for me and i started to dance and started to sing..."I"m siiiiiiinngggging in the raiiiin!!" everyone was laughing at me with admiration! it was a great feeling. i so want to get that back. to be carefree and enjoy every little thing about life.

negativity once had no place in my life, positivity ruled. i want that back and i will. i have to do a lot of hard work and soul-searching but it'll come back to me in time. patience..