Cautiously Optimistic

[dmkdmkdmk]

Wise words from the guys... Can you make time to do something for yourself tonight? I'm finding that when I really need to redirect my focus back to me instead of H it helps to do something really "selfish". Go shopping, or get some takeout from a restaurant that I really like, or pick up a special dessert (thank goodness for Cheesecake Factory right by my work!) that I can sit and enjoy after I put my daughter to bed.

Please don't drive yourself crazy for the next week worrying about his motives.

I can't recall if you're in individual counseling as well as MC? I'm doing it, and it's helping me deal with the "fallout" of the situation.

[Stronger]

Have you ever seen the movie with Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher? I can't remember the name but it's about a trip to Las Vegas.....I want to hit your H that way and scream "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!!!!!"

You situation truly is the most baffling of all the ones I'm reading. I just don't even know what to tell you....

At this point I wouldn't be surprised if you H comes home, unzips his body suit and your REAL H steps out and says "Here I am Honey, I'm no longer some weird alien that's been sleeping in this house with you for months. Let's go on vacation. I owe you."

[Jimbo]

Hope-

You ARE strong. But even strong people can unwittingly tackle too much at once.

While I'm not an alcoholic, (I'm a drunk: alcoholics go to meetings! JK) the AA mantra applies here just as well...

"One day at a time."

Trapt and I can tell you some pretty legendary stories about when we would spin, just like you're doing right now.

Focus on you. Focus on right now. Focus on being in that state of unconditional love you spoke of.

Don't worry about what may or may not have been said during your H's session. Don't worry about what he may or may not say to you in the future. You have no control over these things.

You only have control over you.

He has his job to do: to figure out his stuff.

You have your job to do: to focus on you and be the best Hope you can be.

Don't overwhelm yourself with trying to do both jobs, or looking at the "big picture", trying to figure out what happens next. There are too many variables. And it will all come at its appointed time.

Trust the Universe, and allow it to give you what you need, when you need it.

"One day at a time."

[fisherman]

Good morning Hope,


Hey, I was doing a little reading last night. Yeah, I finally finished my son's Elmo book. Great read btw. Anyway I picked up another book and came across this and thought it sounded pretty cool.

"Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark."It is a knowing within that in any moment of darkness, light is on the way."

Kind of funny, it's dark out right now and all I can hear are birds. How do you suppose they know dawn is right around the corner? Well, it happens everyday right? You have been taken care of this far.....trust that you will continue to be.

Live for today and even ya feel the urge sing away.

Hang in there.

[fisherman]

oops... that was suppose to be if instead of even at the end there...it was early. lol

I better stick with Elmo.

[Done in VA]

I really appreciate everyone's encouraging words & I will do a better job of responding...I had a training for work yesterday, busy in the evening & crashed early...on my way to a networking event now...good stuff though...it's keeping me busy.

I did talk to MC yesterday. H refused IC & does not want to look at his past - SHOCKER!

[Done in VA]

Well, today has been a MUCH better day. Thanks again for everyone encouraging me...I really needed that. I did some fun stuff today. Went to my networking breakfast, was asked to take on a couple new responsibilities that I don't really want to do, but figure they will help to keep me busy. I got a couple referrals - that always helps!

I went to the library & picked up some books for my daughter. My son & I are reading a chapter a night from Where the Red Fern Grows. I love being able to read him books like that. I think it will be so good when he is assigned to read those books later in life & will already be familiar w/the stories.

MIL stopped over last night...I will admit her NPD has not been as bad for the past few years...although we are no longer as enmeshed with her & I'm sure that's why. I heard from another friend of the family that she has been giving H a hard time. Telling him things like - HVA loves you so much...you can't be doing this to her...you better stop your $hit.

I don't want her to say these things. I don't want her to give him ultimatums on my behalf. I also do not want to mention anything to her if she decides to tell him anything I say. I know she's only trying to help, but...

And I am going to a neighbor's scrapbooking party tonight...should be fun

I got a very good friend of mine to post on the BB - please keep an eye out for Keepingthefaith w/a thread called Only God Knows Why...

[givingitmyall]

HVA

Glad to see you are having a good day. Hang in there and stay strong.

[Mach1]

I don't want her to say these things. I don't want her to give him ultimatums on my behalf. I also do not want to mention anything to her if she decides to tell him anything I say. I know she's only trying to help, but...

Then ask her to stop.....Let her know she is hurting things rather than helping things.....

These MLC'ers are NOT rational right now....

If she cannot respect your wishes, then stop speaking to her....

You need people who support your decision to stand, not jeopordize that....

[Jimbo]

I don't want her to say these things. I don't want her to give him ultimatums on my behalf. I also do not want to mention anything to her if she decides to tell him anything I say. I know she's only trying to help, but...

Then ask her to stop.....Let her know she is hurting things rather than helping things.....

These MLC'ers are NOT rational right now....

If she cannot respect your wishes, then stop speaking to her....

You need people who support your decision to stand, not jeopordize that....

I agree with this, Hope. The road to hell......

This is also one of the many reasons why you don't discuss this stuff w/ family and friends. The "good intentions" wind up causing problems. (But I know you know this already.)