back after 10 weeks of recovery and need some help

[Doingitright]

I was here two months ago. I was able to use what I learned here and bring back our marriage from the “D” train. W had EA but still to this day says it was never going to amount to anything. I lost my W’s trust shortly after we said we would try and fix things when she found out I used a PI and software to verify the EA.

Things got back on track quickly and we were seeing a MC regularly. Our last MC session brought up my W’s EA. In 10 weeks of sessions it never came up before…body under the carpet but nobody acknowledges syndrome.

So when it came up my W owned it but was extremely hurt and very very upset. That is where the badness came back in to our relationship. W was very upset that her EA came up and comes up every once in a while during an argument. She withdrew, stopped saying ILY and could not even sit next to me for the last week. We ended that but it was short lived for just a couple of hours.

Here is where I need some advice. We have been practicing the “say what the problem is vs keeping it and W having to beg me to find out what the issue is”. Well I stated what it was and it spiraled from there into a large argument. That precipitated my W sleeping in a different place in the house. That didn’t happen during the whole 4 months during the EA and the “D” train.

So over the phone W said she didn’t think we had a future. We owed it to the kids for us both to be happy. Thought we needed to seek an end as she has been putting some things aside hoping to get past them in due time. Much like her saying IDLY and I am not attracted to you. We did get past those but it seems we are back to square 1.

That sat with me until I could get home from work. She asked what was on my mind and I said we need to work on our trust issues. I asked her to help with what I need to do to gain back her trust. She said she didn’t know.

I said I trusted her and stopped looking at phone bills etc. W said we keep taking steps backward when we move forward and it just isn’t getting better. She then said she was tired and wanted to go to bed in the other room. Excuse was she hasn’t slept all week due to how I have been sleeping. She cannot bring herself to say ILY in 6 to 10 opportunities in the last 2 days. I say it then she does. If I don’t she doesn’t.

We have had very very short conversations, unlike the last 10 weeks. It feels like we are back to the dark days of the IDLY. I am traveling right now and it is making things worse. I think W is not saying certain things just to keep this quite for a while. This is just a snap shot but I could use some advice. So sorry it is such a long note.