Thanks bluerain, Ill look into the book. As far as why she is pursuing the protective order, according to her she was going to drop it, but my sleaze bag lawyer brought it on me. I dunno.
Today soon as I got to my mothers house(where I'm staying) my Mom told me that my W was having an affair with a guy from the church. I asked her how she knew and she told me that someone from the church had told her that she thought something was going on. Well I went back and checked the phone bill, and sure enough she had been talking to this man since 26 of June. I did something extremely stupid... I called the guy and confronted him. He told me that he has had contact with my W, but only because she was keeping his dog for him. He promised me that there has never been anything romantic, and said he understood why I called him, and that he would have done the same. He then told me that he wouldn't tell the W because they didn't really have that kind of R anyway, and that he didn't want to cause me any undo stress with the W. I didn't like the way it made me feel so I called my D and talked to her for a while and my W actually got on the phone. We had some small talk about some of our bills, and I decided to tell her what I had done. She was kinda upset, which I understand. I told her I only wanted to be honest, and that I was. I also told her that I'm done with that kind of behavior because its not good for her or me. She told me that there was never anything going on there, but she said we are separated and if she did want to date someone she could, and that it didn't mean she was going to marry them. She acknowledged that she knew it would hurt me, and acknowledged it would hurt her if I dated, then we agreed to tell each other if we began to date. She then said that she knew I had hope to save the marriage, but the D was going to happen, and after wards if we were meant to be together then God would see to it. Again I agreed. She then acknowledged that she appreciated me telling her the truth when I didn't have to, and she agreed to let me have our daughter over night again. I guess in the end it went ok.
Do I think there's something to the rumors about the affair? I honestly don't know. I am uneasy about it. I guess when July's phone bill comes out Ill probably know a little more, but even then its not going to be conclusive. I know I talk to a girl all the time right now(for the women's insight) but I'm not doing anything with her... Do I think she will tell me if she dates? No, I don't.
Ive really got to get control of my actions and stop being so impulsive. Its so hard. This time she didn't sound so positive about the M working, but even with her being upset she didn't totally blast me, and she did defy the courts and say I could keep our D overnight again, so I need to count my blessings I guess. Its my impulsiveness that helped get me here. Dang I'm so frustrated with myself.
