I tried being conciliatory and overly flexible in the early days following the bomb. I bit my tongue and accepted her continual upbraiding me for the failure of our M and why she was "forced" to end it. I tried to keep the peace and I honestly blamed myself -- which she insisted on. And still she continued right along with her A and making her plans to replace me in our S's lives. And no, that is not hyperbole -- prior to the bomb she began laying plans to take my children away from me. She brought the OM into my home on at least two known occasions while I was at work. She was auditioning him for stepping into my role even though I had no clue we had that degree of M difficulties, let alone enough to betray me so. My then W was filling my children's head full of dreams about a new life way out in the country, with a tree house and a new older brother. Mind you, I knew nothing of this treachery at the time -- I had never even met this OM, her co-worker of some ten years (and still haven't).
After the bomb and I discovered all the emails and letters, she has denied every single thing, even though her own son and her own mother (inadvertently) corroborated the events that took place in my own home. She swore I was mistaken and wrong to misunderstand her intent to be to replace me lock-stock-and-barrel with the OM. And yet over the last two years she has methodically moved closer and closer to that actual aim.
Moreover, any activity that I took up with my S's, she has gradually tried to commandeer away from me. When I began attempts two Summers ago to take our S's camping and fishing, she forbade me from doing so, saying that they were too young and could not be properly cared for safely and securely in such an uncontrolled environment. And though I relented, it wasn't two months later before she herself took them both camping and fishing.
I joined the local Lego users group with S8 because I had years ago gotten him interested in Legos (which she had her reservations about way back then about his ability to build anything. She thought it would be too frustrating for him. But he took to it like a duck to water.) And since the bomb she has tried to commandeer that to herself.
I am an accomplished and skilled paddler, for both canoes and kayaks, having grown up with this sport, and yet xW had to beat me to the punch when it came time to introduce them to this activity.
I told xW a long time ago that I was going to get our S's involved in activities like Scouting that they could share with me, their father. xW even began nagging me about when I would make good on that promise. I began taking S8 to the den meetings and to work with him on the achievements and the projects. To her credit xW, allowed S8 to go to the meetings every Monday even on her week of custody. So the precedent had already been made. And yet she refused him from going to this one event simply because she refuses to get along with me. That was her decision and her prerogative, certainly, but I won't be cowed into accepting all of the blame for S8 being the one who suffered for it. I hate that he missed out, and yeah, I could have allowed his mother to bully me into giving in to her all-or-nothing demands, but I decided that it was in no one's long-term interest for me to continue to step aside.
So I may indeed be getting overly alarmed at xW's attempt to manipulate me and our S's. But I don't think so -- sometimes one has to protest what they see as wrong or unfair, or else be prepared for the offenses to continue indefinitely.
