You're nutz if you think you pissed me off....I wanted clarification in case I missed something and it's something I need to know with perfect understanding because while this isn't quite life or death, it sure does feel that way sometimes. And I've learned enough to know, if you don't get it, you better figure it out.
No, truly I was confused and not afraid to admit it.
Yes, his "blueprint" was very helpful to me and not insulting. There was nothing like "You need to wash my feet as soon as you stand up from bowing to me once I walk into the house I pay the mortgage for!"
It was more "I see these great changes....but I'm scared it's bs and will crumble at any minute." He went on to say that he likes that he's told me somethings about his issues with our marriage and I've been able to make those adjustments for him. The main thing that comes to mind....I didn't know he wanted to snuggle every night. He does. I was sort of flabbergasted when he told me this as one of his complaints about the marriage.....Really? Something that simple and you didn't mention it? He thought I knew. I had no idea. So when he's here, of course I don't mind snuggling every night. He seriously, seriously never said anything before. I told him that asked why he NEVER mentioned something so simple....he said Yeah, I don't know. I asked, Why didn't you just snuggle up to me? Again, Yeah, I don't know.
Another complaint....he wanted more affection. I knew that. I tried to fix it before, but it was bad timing.....I don't know how else to explain it. But in recent weeks, as he's explained it to me, he said I stopped being affectionate BEFORE the baby. While I really really don't remember it that way, I know he that he does. And therefore, that's how it happened. I apologized and explained I didn't do it to "with hold affection or to punish"....he said sometimes it felt exactly like that. So, while it's been hard to hear some of his issues, there's been great opportunity for me to work on things and he's been very receptive to it.
My basic rule is this when I have a question about changes I want to make or I'm considering it or things H has asked me for or explained he needs: I will not start or do anything I am not willing to do for the rest of my life.
I do the laundry....never bugged me and as a matter of fact H is banned from the laundry. One too many of my sweaters have shrunk. I still ML with H because I am ready to do that forever. I do not make dinner every night in hopes that will bring him home forever because I know I can't realistically do that. I want to play tennis some nights, yoga some nights, go out with friends or hit the bookstore, whatever. I can't commit to that.....and H hasn't asked me to do anything so far that I can't or I'm not willing to do forever.
In terms of the "blueprint".....he asked me for space and time. He went on to say if I can't give him the time to figure somethings out, then he would understand and that would be one less thing he'd have to work out as the decision would be made for him.
I know beginners.....you're looking out. I should have been more clear.
