I feel bad for you right now. It's a bad time for this to happen.
I don't know what your own work sitch is but nonetheless you can't be expected to do it all yourself.
Why don't we turn this around here. You're not f'd. He is! You were about to get your utilities turned off and he promised you vital $ by Friday. Now it's not happening for 30 days?! Tell him to step it up, Dad! Get out there and hustle something up. Temp. Shlep boxes. Sell something. Whatever. Get some income now and support your children.
You've got a lot of weight on your shoulders right now. Load some of it off to others so you can stay strong.
Call your L now and tell him/her this situation - you don't have to start a whole D, just tell him/her what's going on. This isn't right. L might be able to help in some way or guide you to resources and assistance.
Ask for help from friends, parents, etc.
You WILL get through it.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
orangedog is right. H needs to step up to the mark. This is not right any way you look at it.
I did for my W! I had the BIGGEST wake up call when I got a call from the maintenance court saying my W was there in tears. She was a WAW with no money. Ahhhh - damn did THAT hurt me! And I felt great helping her - just didn't like the way she did it. I was expecting a talk to discuss.
But I understand why she did it this way - and I forgave her.
All I wanted in my life was to be autonomous and now I have to go back to my parents who will give me help only in exchange for following their advice and subjecting myself to their mandates.
I wanted a different life for my kids than I had and right now, I just see more of the same in the foreseeable future.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I feel that, given my philosophy about life that this is my responsibility and I am having a really tough time forgiving myself.
Love yourself first. If you believe you are worth it you will forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. We all sin. Forgiveness is the bridge from fear to love. A year ago I could barely look at myself in the mirror. I was ashamed, scared and lonely. The other part of my "I can handle it" mantra is that I had to look my self in the mirror, touch my chest with my fist and say out loud, "I love you Coach." All of my senses were involved. I needed to love myself first before I could give away my love. So corny but so powerful. It was a gift I gave myself. I just let you in on one of my secrets most people don't know about me. Alive, it's your journey to take, you can handle it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
