Journaling... Today was a pretty ok day. Work was ok, I felt ok. I have been feeling really tired this week and cant seem to get enough sleep even when I try. I wake early and cant get back to sleep. Ive been having a lot more dreams lately too, all sorts of crazy ones.
Yesterday was a really good work day, I would like to get back to more days like that. I will do that by keeping my schedule even and not too empty or overwhelming. When I am too booked up I get stressed out and I have enough stress from other areas of my life, I dont want it spilling over from work too. That is my work goal, I think I can manage this. (I know I can bc I am going to plan for it!)
I am thinking about taking a class for fun. I got a booklet of classes in my mailbox yesterday and I had just been thinking about this so it must be a sign. There are several I like the sounds of. I am thinking about cake decorating, sounds fun to me.
When I am falling back into thinking about H, I stop and think 'focus more on me and less on H.' And I ask how can I do this, and then try to answer myself. At least it gets me thinking about me more.
I went to a really good exercise class yesterday too, I was completely beat afterwards. I am going to try and go again next week.
A girl at work gave me a number for a staff counselor that staff can go to and suggested I give them a call if I feel I want to talk to someone about everything as an option. Just the thought of that makes me feel upset. I think I would find it really hard to talk to someone like that for some reason.
I am going to try and keep talk of H to a minimum the rest of the week to help me. The texts continue as before, I dont really know how to respond to him. I continue to try and work through the hurt I feel. Its much harder sometimes than others but I will keep picking myself up everyday and going forward. I will keep bringing the focus back to me.
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
