Hey SpyBunny, Though this might sound a bit off - don't worry about your H and why he does what he does...that doesn't really matter in the long run - as only he can take care of his business - just as you need to focus on your own business.
Though it's odd to say this, I can relate at least to the way in which your H treated you - in that I was in a very similar relationship - in which I was often defined and told what I was thinking - and, in my unhealthy approach to love, I thought that appeasing that attitude was a way of offering love...instead it just compromised me - and made me give up a lot of who I was...
Getting to find yourself requires making some tough decisions - sometimes chief among them is the decision to take on the things that we fear most...since it's those fears that have held us in unhealthy places for so long.
Sounds like your IC is helping you a lot - and I think it's good to recognize that you were/are in an emotionally abusive relationship - it's also very good that your approaching it in a practical terms and looking into ways to protect yourself from making mistakes that could come back and complicate things later.
